Coping or change? & Projecting the future

4 Jul

Tonight I had a 4th of July party with some of my friends from the 20 somethings group coming.  Last year’s party was out of this world and I was trying not to set myself up for disappointment this year.  I even debated having the party because I was sure it wouldn’t live up to last year.  And it didn’t but it was still a great party.  So I’m glad I had it.

There were a lot of couples at the party so that was interesting, but people mixed okay.  I felt a little awkward at points but that’s the norm with me.  Somehow and I think part way into a discussion people were talking about change and coping.  One guy was mentioning how he tends to be shy naturally but “changes” to be extroverted so he has friends.  Another person said this was coping.  I’m naturally an introvert and it takes a lot of energy and comfort to try and go to social events.  It’s easier if I’m hosting, that’s my way of meeting in the middle.  Just last session my case manager was talking about how I’m not naturally a social/extroverted/outgoing type of person and everyone (even her) has push me to be one.  Have I magically changed into one of those people from hosting and attending events?  Nope, I’m less anxious some times but I cope.  I do it because having a social network is important to me, whether the friends are on a more superficial level or a deep close friendship.  I do it because I know how easy it is for me to isolate myself and then feel even more lonely and depressed.  And I do it because that’s what I am “suppose” to do.

I’m not sure what will happen when I’ve run this course with my 20 somethings group.  In my age range people are more about settling down, starting families, or developing careers.  If I end up moving out with the girl, which a lot of stuff has to pend I expect I will still have some contact with people from group; even if I’m not attending regularly.  I don’t know how I feel about this yet.  I’m also not sure what will happen when 20 something’s friend moves, obviously we won’t be able to have as close as a friendship as we do now.  But it’s hard for me to think about trying to make a new best friend- I have high standards and tend to trust slowly.

But if I move out and start dating more seriously, maybe I’ll settle down and she will also fill that “best friend” role.  I know I am projecting things that are out of my control.  But thinking and planning ahead makes me less anxious.  So far I’ve asked 20 somethings friend and my sister what they think about the moving out possibility and have gotten their feedback.  Both seem to be positive with some reservations, each one being concerned about different things. This week I’ll be at the NAMI national conference so the week after that I will see my case manager and ask her opinion.  Then I’ll probably mull it over for another week before even presenting the proposition to the girl.  And it kind of frustrates me I’ll do all this and she may not even be interested.  But I have some back up people in mind…

2 Responses to “Coping or change? & Projecting the future”

  1. manyofus1980 July 8, 2015 at 2:42 AM #

    Good luck with the decision and planning for moving out. I hope its a success if you do it. XX

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