Archive | July, 2015

Reality Acceptance Skills: DBT Peer Connections Video Training Series

31 Jul

More on DBT: Video on Radical Acceptance

DBT Peer Connections

Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Training teaches four sets of skills for life enhancement. This is the third video installment in a series in progress that aims to teach DBT’s valuable skills from a peer perspective and to make such learning easily accessible and without the burden of excessive costs. In this episode, the skills that are taught relate to Reality acceptance and fit within the core mindfulness module. Specifically, the skills you learn in this video are Loving Kindness, Radical Acceptance, Willingness, Turn the Mind, and Half-smile.

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Introduction to DBT Emotion Regulation Skills

31 Jul

More DBT- Video on Emotion Regulation Skills

DBT Peer Connections

This video introduces the skills and key concepts that relate to emotion regulation as taught in dialectical behavior therapy skills training groups. The video presents skills from a DBT client peer perspective not DBT therapist expertise. Please share your comments about what you like and do not like after viewing so we can improve future videos.

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Love Me Challenge Day 14

30 Jul

Day 14: A fear you overcame.

Coming to terms with my sexuality and coming out to family and friends.  Going to a social LGBT group and meeting new friends.  I have real bad anxiety and a history of Avoidant Personality Disorder.


comfort zone

Courage to Change Award

30 Jul

Thanks to Joyce for nominating me for this.  It was actually awhile ago and I’ve been so stressed.  But it was a nice reminder and what I needed to hear.

Courage to change award

I’m working towards recovery from all my issues.  My specific big triggers right now are interpersonal relationships, between rejection, feeling left out, trust issues, fear of judgement/criticism, the love/hate pull, assertiveness, healthy boundaries, social anxiety/awkwardness, and an inability to connect/relate I got plenty to work on.  I’m trying to change myself for the better and hope some friendships/relationships become healthier because of it.

A reminder: Encouraging Thunder Award

30 Jul

Thanks to 21andSensory for nominating the blog award.  This is my second time receiving this award, and I love awards.  It means I’m appreciated and who doesn’t like to be appreciated.

Why I blog?

I started blogging as a place to vent and outlet my feelings.  After gaining some followers, I learned about the rich community.  I’m diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, a mental illness not too many people know of.  Heck! I hadn’t heard of it until I was diagnosed.  For those who don’t know it’s a combo of bipolar (in my case) and schizophrenia symptoms.  I’m also diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and I think there is a lot of stigma and stereotypes, so I blog to dispel some of those.  Along with those two, PTSD has been added to my official list of diagnoses.  Not sure why they added that now, since I’ve experienced trauma and PTSD symptoms for a long time.  After the last hospitalization, low and behold, I was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder as well.  One reason why I enjoy reading the blog that nominated me.  I like to spread awareness about mental illness/health as well as who I am as a person.  Soon I will be doing a post highlighting some of my favorite blogs I follow, so I will skip the nomination process.

The pretty award:

Resource: When terrible, abusive parents come crawling back, what do their grown children owe them?

30 Jul

Worth the read and for my newer blogger followers. Deciding or processing what to do with family members who were abusive or neglectful.
“others like them should be hammered with lectures about the benefits of—here comes that dread word—closure. Sometimes the best thing to do is just close the door”

A complicated person, with a complicated life

I found this article last night on my Zite tittled “When terrible, abusive parents come crawling back, what do their grown children owe them?” I immediately thought of a few specific bloggers who have recently been deciding how they want to deal with parents or family members who had a negative impact on their life, mostly through trauma or abuse.  Not all cases represented family asking for help or forgiveness and in most cases avoiding or denying the past.  I also found the article featured on MSN and thought I’d link it with some quotes and insight from the article.

What do we owe our tormentors? It’s a question that haunts those who had childhoods marked by years of neglect and deprivation, or of psychological, physical, and sexual abuse at the hands of one or both parents. Despite this terrible beginning, many people make it out successfully and go on to…

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My Wellness Box

30 Jul

The outside of the box.

The box had slits in it to let the magic out.

Bubble wrap to pop when frustrated.

Brain flex stress ball.

Smaller tigger from keychain. Soft to touch.

My Wellness Journal. Here’s a post with video on more about it.

An older “book of encouragement”

iPod and earphones with soothing and distracting songs. (Really helps with voices.)

Soap bar my case manager gave me for my birthday one year.

Smooth rock (self-soothe touch also good for grounding)

Labendar bath bubbles (self-soothe smell and relaxation in the tub)

Crisis numbers.

Bath salts (smell and relaxation)

Candle (self-soothe, smell; pleasing sight of flame,)

Smash activity book (distraction)

Raspberry sorbet gum (self soothe- taste)

Lavender fragrance oil. (Self soothe, smell)

My magic wand.

Ideas and extra comments to add to wellness journal.

I’m okayer now

30 Jul

Last night was rough.  I tried reaching out to 4 different people, then posted on my blog looking for someone to talk to.  While waiting I took 4 Valium and got out my Wellness box.  I didn’t text 20 something’s friend because his final is today and I knew he’d be working on homework.  He just happened to text me about school and I took it as a sign and talked with him a little while still looking through the box, until I calmed down.

It’s not like me to get that riled up about something.  I just feel like I have this pressure building inside me and when one thing starts to stress me out it’s the end of my world.  I’m happy I didn’t cut or do anything stupid last night, but frustrated that I had the urges over something I think I should be able to handle.  I know with BPD I’m more susceptible to abandonment and rejection along with intense interpersonal relationships.  I just feel like all the intensity is on my side.  I try not to be impulsive and act out, I control myself pretty good for the most part.  I use to be out of control so I can see the progress.  But why do I still have these unhealthy urges to do the same behavior as a teenager.  It makes me feel immature and childish but that’s just invalidating.

Anyways, I wrote a post on the FB group that I was stepping down as facilitator and that I was sorry.  I plan on making cards for the remaining facilitators to let them know what I like about them and the good I’ve had being a facilitator so far this year.  I don’t want to end on a sour key.

A bit of a rant

29 Jul

I’m not good with relationships and I don’t handle rejection/being left out/abandoned/judged any of that well.  I’m having a real hard time staying committed to being a 20 something’s facilitator.  I’m upset that they have me on the schedule for next week and I won’t be here.  I’m trying to trouble shot that but no one has responded.  Yes I know it’s Facebook.  I don’t really want to go to group tomorrow, it is a potluck which means more of a social night.  But I need to go and solve the problem of next week.  The idea of that and that I’m suppose to be co-facilitating a group where me and the girl haven’t came up with a game plan is stressing me out.  I can’t sleep.  I’m going through all the people who go/have been to group and judging them.  That’s not a normal Marci thing to do.  I’m not sure what to do anymore.  I feel like if I step down, I will be abandoning the obligation I signed up for a year ago.  If I go on for these next three months I feel like my mental health will suffer.  I don’t know the middle ground and I’m sure no one else sees this as serious.  I just feel stuck and now I can’t sleep.

Post Counseling Update: Integrity vs Effectiveness in Relationships

29 Jul

Some how we ended up talking about my dad again.  Sometimes I want to password protect posts like this out of fear he will read them, but maybe someone can give me some feedback or relate so I will keep it public.  Me and my dad have a strained but close relationship, which is very complicated.

My dad was verbally and emotionally abusive when I was a child.  My mental health problems were seen as me being too sensitive and being a baby.  I was constantly invalidated.  My dad was also physically absent a lot.  He has a bad temper and still does.  He and my mom took us places, we were never deprived or neglected except maybe emotionally.  On the outside everything looked good and I was the messed up one.

My dad makes some effort as an adult to be supportive, but when what he does doesn’t work and I tell him he isn’t willing to change.  When I suggest ways to be supportive he usually doesn’t receive them well or try them.  He uses excuses about being set in his old ways.  He still often doesn’t believe me because I’m still “too sensitive” or “making a mountain out of a molehill” or it’s just easy for him, so he thinks it should be easy for everyone.  I use my sister to medicate and occasionally he will change his behavior for a couple weeks.  On the positive side he tries to keep me active and out of bed.  Is financially supportive so I can keep busy and have fun with friends.

One of the biggest problems I have is that everyone loves him.  They think he’s so great and charismatic, funny and nice.  I’ve lived it and I see through it.  I feel like I have to hold on to that resentment, anger, and disrespect because it is what is true for me.  Most no one would agree with how I feel about him or who I think he is as a person, and that makes it harder.  Even some of my friends (I think) prefer his company to mine.

So today when talking about assertiveness, healthy boundaries, and just relationships in general this came up.  My case manager says she doesn’t know if I’m willing to give up that frustration and “play nice.”  I wonder if I have a superficial relationship with him, for the same of making peace and life being easier for me, what does that mean?  Do I lose my integrity, because I am faking a relationship and allowing him to believe things that I don’t think or feel.  (Note: Living at home it’s not really an option to tell him how I really feel, and I wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings either.)  Nothing will change with him so why bother.  But with this change to myself, does it change my character?  My integrity?  My values?  My core beliefs I believe in and integrity?

Thoughts please!!!