Archive | 6:06 PM

BPD Extreme Emotions

25 Jun

I sort of thought I had my emotions more controlled than it turns out I do.  During periods of depression my moods only fluctuate from extremely depressed to apathetic depression.  After my long depressive episode last year I felt a couple months of true stability.  Then life started happening and my emotions got all over the place again.  I could give you an exact reason why for each and every change though they may have seemed minor to anybody else.

The emotional episodes in the last week have been the extremest in at least 2 years maybe more.  Also I haven’t been able to assign each episode to a specific trigger.  Yesterday with my case manager we just talked about grief and change; well mostly I cried and she mentioned those things.  Also, when I get on these rolls all the changes that are up and coming hit me at once, but at the same time I’d say they’re always looming so I wouldn’t call it a trigger.  Anyways, I’m still confused as to what is setting these off.

I had an appointment with the therapist today, she seemed more personable which was odd for me.  She’s usually very ‘blank slate.’  We talked about trying to be in wise mind with all these changes that are coming up and the growth I want.  Maybe to write them down so when I get those episodes I can look at it, though I’ll probably be too irrational and emotional.  But at least it’s a suggestion.  I’ll have to look at my other emotion regulation and distress tolerance skills.

As with BPD, I’m flying high today and nothing is wrong with the world other than my eyes still burning from all the crying yesterday.