Sometimes I question my gayness

22 Jun

I’ve always been an outsider.  Some of the voices say I’m just pretending to be gay to get friends.  I don’t get sexually aroused that much, at least by comparing myself to others.  I’ve had bad relationships with boys and will all of the relationship with boys.  When I was try to be straight I would just tell myself that I couldn’t base my everything on these two bad experiences.  Now I’ve had a couple relationships with girls and sex with girls.  I actually get turned on when having sex with girls and it feels good it was never like that with the boys.  I don’t get turned on just by looking at girls very often at all, not sure if it’s my meds, my comfort level, or just being more towards the grey/a sexual side of the spectrum.  Tonight while watching a TV show there were two gay girls having sex and then a straight couple having sex.  I could easily feel in my body which was more of a turn on.  I need to remember this when I get back in the grey/a area because it’d be so much easier to be straight.  And people will try to push me that way, they have my whole life.  I can’t wait to have a relationship with a girl where the sex is good and we connect emotionally too, that hasn’t happened yet.  But parts my fault I’m not that active in looking cuz the grey/a and I’m dealing with so much already plus I’m not sure I’m stable enough for dating.  Maybe these are just excuses I don’t know.  But tonight I realized whenever I do have attractions they are almost always exclusively gay.

One Response to “Sometimes I question my gayness”

  1. manyofus1980 June 25, 2015 at 2:38 AM #

    I dont know why people try to change us. We are what we are. Like you said you know what feels good to you. Go with that. XX

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