What is it

20 Jun

I’ve blacked out a few times. Once I woke up with a bottle of pills in my car in the parking lot of Walmart. Another time I woke up in the morning with several cuts on my upper stomach and blood on my shirt.   I’ve “lost” my scissors (one of the things I use to cut with) then vaguely remember they’re in the bathroom in a box with bubble bath and stuff, easy to find. I’ve also blacked out and woke up in the hospital. There’s probably other times too, but these are the most memorable.

I don’t drink and have never tried any drugs, even marijuana. My case manager said something about sensory overload and I just black out. I think it more likely has to do with stress, extreme emotions, or dissociation. Anyone else have these blackouts? I’m scared of what I could do, when I’m not really aware of it.

12 Responses to “What is it”

  1. manyofus1980 June 20, 2015 at 12:36 AM #

    I’ve blacked out and woke up with cuts on my body. or woke up when I put something in the oven and then forgot about it and it burned. Its scary. XX

  2. midnightdemons7 June 20, 2015 at 1:09 AM #

    I have had a couple of “black outs” but I have never harmed myself. I have dissociation issues. when I was younger they happened more frequently. I would always cut and not remember it, which always landed me in the hospital.

    • mm172001 June 20, 2015 at 12:27 PM #

      Yeah the cutting was odd because it was in an unusual place and I didn’t tidy up afterwards. It’s almost like I didn’t do it

  3. Cat June 20, 2015 at 4:47 AM #

    This sounds really scary, Marci. While I don’t cut, I do blackout and seem to dissociate, even half way through a therapy session and then completely forget the session by the next week. My mind just goes completely blank and even prompting from other people won’t be enough to reconnect me to my own brain. I’ve just been talking to a Consultant Psychiatrist at my review and while my Therapist and I think it is dissociation, she was more inclined to believe it’s what your case manager suggests about sensory overload, which is a response to stress, but in my book, it still is a form of dissociation and very difficult to overcome. Your blackouts” sound quite severe.

    • mm172001 June 20, 2015 at 12:26 PM #

      Yeah interesting that you have someone that says sensory overload too, she didn’t tie it to stress but that makes sense. I still think it’s a form of dissociation. It’s just scary and I don’t know how to prevent it.

      • Cat June 21, 2015 at 5:26 AM #

        I would say it’s definitely a form of dissociation, in your case, quite a serious form. Have you ever talked to a consultant psychiatrist about it?

        • mm172001 June 22, 2015 at 11:02 AM #

          no my psychiatrist is really just about the meds. So when I brought it up to my case manager she said the sensory overload thing. I could ask the therapist, I think she has more experience with this type of thing.

  4. revgerry June 20, 2015 at 7:41 AM #

    How terrifying it must be to know you may not have conscious control over your actions in your dissociative state…

    • mm172001 June 20, 2015 at 12:24 PM #

      Yeah tell me about it, dangerous too

  5. brokenbrilliant June 21, 2015 at 4:55 AM #

    Sounds like it’s time to actively manage your sensory input. Start with food. If you are eating junk food, that stresses your system. Get good sleep. Put down the smartphone an hour before you go to bed. These are all manageable things, but you must take responsibility and do them. I know lots of peopke who are more interested in sympathy than fixing their lives. Don’t be like them. There are things you can do for starters.

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