16 Jun

What did I do to deserve this pain inside. I’m sure you’re thinking it can’t be that bad, it’s fleeting. You just want attention. 

I don’t know how to describe the pain. I don’t know how to convince you. I don’t ever want you to see the depths of this. What I really think. How I truly feel. 

It seems so wrong to ask for help. To need you so much. To need to hear that things are going to be okay. To be held to be hugged. Please tell me this is going to go away. 

You probably think I’m exaggerating or maybe that I’m weak. How could she be doing so well and fall to pieces so quickly. It’s not real. Don’t bother. She’ll pick herself up she always does. Don’t you see. No you don’t. The only way to make you truly believe is to leave. As long as I can recall that’s been my one wish just to cease to exist. Happiness isn’t real or sustainable. And this darkness is eating me up. It takes a break. Fools you into everything’s going to be okay. People like you. You’re fun. Yet a week of really good days can be wiped out in just an hour of this excruciating pain. I hold on. I don’t know why anymore. I guess because I always have. And who cares. Where’s my award. Where’s my kind words. 

2 Responses to “”

  1. manyofus1980 June 17, 2015 at 4:54 AM #

    Here, listening, I hope your ok. XX

    • mm172001 June 17, 2015 at 1:40 PM #

      Doing a little better this morning

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