Update 6/11/15

11 Jun

It’s Thursday at 1am and I can’t sleep.  I went to bed earlier tonight and just woke up and couldn’t sleep.  Normally this happens between 2-3:30am, so it’s a little early.  Instead of tossing and turning in bed I thought I’d write out an update since my last couple posts have been about DBT.

Things are going well and I’m surprised.  I’ve been keeping myself busy and then recovering by sleeping a day away.  I thought I would have a real hard summer this year, and I know it’s early, but things aren’t as bad as I was projecting.  I’m trying to find fun things to plan and do, so I have stuff to look forward to.  I made a homemade planner/scrapbook type thing and have been planning the summer and the rest of my year.

I had counseling today and will have it for two weeks and then take a 3 week break because her and/or I will be out of town.  I’m not even nervous.  I talked about what I wanted to work on in counseling today and sort of how I want to do it.  So if something comes up related to my two big issues, I’ll work on that.  If not I’ll work on whatever else in the moment.  Not to force things, it sounds like a good idea but I’m impatient and want to solve things quickly which usually involves forcing things a little too much.  Here’s a chance to let that go.

I really realized how much my family cares about appearances.  I know how we are/were “seen” as a family by the outside world was very important.  It felt so lonely and contradictory that people thought such good things and didn’t know the chaos that was going on behind closed doors.  I also realized there are a lot of vain people and while the motivation to lose weight is a good one.  I am overweight and would like to lose some and get healthier, it’s coming from a very unhealthy place with their expectations and it will never be good enough anyways.

That’s really all I have to say right now.

One Response to “Update 6/11/15”

  1. manyofus1980 June 11, 2015 at 2:28 AM #

    Its good that your planning the summer out. Having things to look forward to will help you stay focused. XX

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