A complicated person, with a complicated life

Yesterday was crappy and it rolled over to today.  I woke up not wanting to get out of bed, so I didn’t.  I laid in bed drifting in and out of consciousness till my mom told me to get up at 11 and take my pills.  I did and promptly went and laid back down.  After writing my last blog and laying there for awhile, my thoughts started bothering me again and then my weight.  I vowed not to go out to lunch today and I didn’t.  I’m thinking about talking to my case manager about the issues this morning, but ashamed again.  I was really happy when I got a comment on my blog saying here is a smile for you.  I decided to use opposite action (an emotion regulation skill) and willingness over willfulness (a distress tolerance skill).  I feel proud of myself for getting up and using skills despite the way I was feeling.  I just wish someone else would recognize it, that would make me feel much better and more confident.  I have some plans tonight and that is helping.  I don’t think it’s fair I have to do so much work to try and feel decent.  I was thinking and most the people I admire have had difficulties in their life, I find it really hard to admire someone who has had an easy life, even if they have accomplished great things.

Tags: admiration, coping skills, DBT, Distress tolerance, emotion regulation, opposite action, willingness