Left Out

30 May

I hate how my BPD makes me feel left out and insecure.  Even when I really wouldn’t want to be there or around certain people.  I feel sick to my stomach right now.  High school friend is at a wedding tonight along with a bunch of my other friends from high school.  I don’t know the couple that well, other than meeting them at high school friend’s events.  And I don’t even like weddings.  Of course it’s all over Facebook and high school friend is my friend on both accounts so I can’t just avoid it.

The other thing is a bunch of people from the 20 something’s are going to a bar tonight to celebrate someone’s birthday.  After last weeks experience at a bar, I realized I often feel lost and really uncomfortable there.  I’ll go if I’m with someone and they are going, but to get into my car and drive out there, no.  I’d just feel like I’d have to hang on to 20 something’s friend like a security blanket and that’s no fun for him and probably not me either.  Also, I’m kind of on the fence about who’s birthday it is and last time I went somewhere she invited me I was pretty much ignored by her all night.

I think I need to re-evaluate my friends.  But it’s so hard to find (and keep) friends with all my different mental illnesses.  My sister is at a wedding tonight too.  Lil sis, her boyfriend and dad are at the Sac mile.  I even tried to make dinner plans with the neighbor, but I guess she’s busy.  Panic setting in about 20 something’s friend leaving and being too busy during summer school… better go distract.

4 Responses to “Left Out”

  1. manyofus1980 May 30, 2015 at 7:14 PM #

    hugs. its hard to feel left out. I hear you. X

  2. Cat May 31, 2015 at 5:53 AM #

    That’s a bummer Marci, but I bet there are other people at the 20 something who feel exactly as you do. Would you consider going even just for half an hour and make excuses you have something else to do?

    • mm172001 June 1, 2015 at 6:25 PM #

      I actually felt good staying home. Better than I thought I would. 20 something’s friend said he had a good time, but I’m not sure I would of. I think I made the right decision.

      • Cat June 2, 2015 at 11:09 AM #

        That’s good to hear, Marci, sometimes our own company works better

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