Today’s been a meh day

29 May

I’ve spent most of the day sleeping.  I’m not exhausted from camping anymore, just bored with nothing really to do.  I lead our 20 something’s group last night on mental health wellness.  I think I might have talked too much but everyone said the group was good.  I couldn’t sleep last night and my stomach hurt so I took one Valium.  That means I only have one left before Sunday.  I think I’m going to save it for Saturday night because someone from group is having a birthday celebration but it’s at a bar.  I don’t drink and have realized just lately that I feel very uncomfortable there, so I’m planning on not going.  It just sucks because other people are going to be there.  20 something’s friend starts summer school in two weeks, I’m kinda wondering how I will do without the extra support and friend to do things with.  Especially since we’re working on harder things in counseling now.  I do know I’ll be gone about 2 weeks of it, with family, SF Pride, and NAMI national conference.  My thoughts haven’t been bothering me much today, but then again I’ve slept most of the day.  My appointment with my psychiatrist went well yesterday, and I do not have to make a return appointment until 6 months, I think that’s the longest I’ve ever gone without seeing my psychiatrist.

My treatment team thinks I am getting better.  My family is either neutral or thinks I’m doing worse.  And I just feel stuck in the middle, sometimes I feel like I’m doing really well and other times I struggle and it seems like it’s always been.  I wish I could just hold on to some of the great stuff people tell me, when I’m having my struggles.  I wish my family was more supportive about the medication I’m on; at least they aren’t verbalizing it to me all the time.

I feel a breakdown coming soon, not sure if I will need hospitalization but to me hospitalization means I’m not doing good or going backwards.  One of the reasons I dropped my summer school class was this fear of impending hospitalization.

Just found out one of the facilitators from group will not be here for like a month at least, I’m wondering how that will change the group dynamic or if it will.

Anyways, bored and probably going back to sleep.

One Response to “Today’s been a meh day”

  1. manyofus1980 June 2, 2015 at 1:15 PM #

    I hope you wont end up in the hospital. But if you do dont be too hard on yourself. You’ve been working on a lot lately. Sometimes we go backwards before we go forwards. XX

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