Ahhhh… Relief

20 May

I knew today would be a challenging day.  2 Final exams and a couple of conversations I was terrified of having.  Well the day started good with a good parking spot.  I am one of those people who look for “signs” and believe in silly things like not stepping on cracks in sidewalks.  So I thought good parking spot = potentially good day.  It was.

I (think I) did better on math test than I thought I would.  It was easier than I thought and only one question I was totally lost on and at least for it I put down a couple words.  In between finals I checked my grade and finally my Italian grade was posted, I got an A!!! 🙂  My Human Sexuality final was harder than anticipated, I didn’t know a lot of male anatomy or STIs both things I’ve had little exposure too.

My counseling session went real well, even though it was about 45 minutes late.  I read her all the blog posts from Saturday night and Sunday, I also read her the sum up post.  She was very proud of me for not cutting, and I’m proud of myself too.  It wasn’t really for me that I didn’t cut but even being able to use other people as reasons hadn’t been effective in the past.  I foresee in the future being able to not self harm just for my own reasons/purpose.  I also finished reading her part of a blog post that I wrote last week.  I was weary because I want to work on some tough things and I wasn’t sure if she would work with me or not.  I felt like I needed to know today because if she wouldn’t I might try to work with the therapist on one of them, and I see her tomorrow.  She says I’ve resolved issues that 7 years ago (how long I’ve been seeing her) I never would have thought possible.  And I’ve started with the easier of the difficult ones and if she thinks I’m ready she is willing to work with me.  Now I need to decide which one, I think the voices because it’ll be easier for me (potentially) and if the other issue comes up more I can address it as it does.  I finally feel like maybe I can get some closure on things, even if I don’t get clear answers.

I was also going to have dinner with 20 something’s friend and was going to mention somethings about him moving and if/how our friendship would continue.  I was relieved by the answers and it seems if I continue to put effort into the friendship he will continue to reciprocate even if it’s further apart.  I also mentioned my maybe idea of moving to San Diego, not sure what he thought about that.  It wouldn’t be just him I’d be moving for, I want to get out of this house and have my own life, if only for a little while.  Majors I am thinking about would be available at just about any school and UCSD has a BA in LGBT studies which sounds interesting.  I haven’t done much looking into it because it’d be a couple years to finish my math I’m working on.  Also I don’t want to get hyped up for something that may not happen.

I feel exhausted from the stress I was feeling with these 4 things going on today, but all went well so I’m glad.  I feel like my communicating skills are getting better.

One Response to “Ahhhh… Relief”

  1. manyofus1980 May 28, 2015 at 3:13 PM #

    it sounds like a very productive day yay you! Great you got an A too. X

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