A mix of randomness

10 May

Today is Mother’s Day.  Lately I have been feeling more positive towards my mom than I ever have before.  She’s being more supportive and interactive.  My case manager suggested maybe it was because I am doing better, which is odd because she thought as I got better, the family would get worse.  I think it might have to do more with me not “needing” her as much, so she randomly offers support and will initiate interaction rather than ignore or get frustrated when I try to initiate interaction.  Maybe because it’s more on her terms?  I want to reinforce her positive behavior I like, but it’s be rude to be like “you are doing so much better than you used to.”  So I guess next time I catch her being nice or supportive or whatever I should make it a point to acknowledge it and thank her.

I woke up this morning to find a new cut.  I’m not sure if it was something that happened accidentally or I did it while dissociated.  I’m not to in touch with my body and will often notice bruises with no idea how they got there.  I know self harm has been on my mind a lot, so that’s a sign I could have done it.  It’s also looks somewhat like my normal self harm, position, severity, etc.  Well, either way I’m not counting it towards my self harm record because I didn’t consciously do it and I’m not bringing it up, because the professionals will probably freak out.  It’s just one baby cut anyways.

Today has been pretty good.  I think being able to talk and blog about how I’ve been feeling lately has helped.  I’m not sure if I’m going to read the password protected post to my case manager it is mainly about my frustration regarding what she will and will not work on with me.  I’m not sure it would accomplish much other than airing my feelings.  Which apparently is important.

Now, lets just hope I can get through finals!

One Response to “A mix of randomness”

  1. manyofus1980 May 11, 2015 at 2:13 PM #

    Good luck on your finals! hugs! Sorry about the cut.

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