Archive | 10:39 PM

Protected: Past my breaking point

7 May

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Heterosexual Privlidge

7 May
  • I can be pretty sure that my roommates. hall-mates and classmates will be comfortable with my sexual orientation.
  • If I pick up a magazine, watch TV, or play music, I can be certain my sexual orientation will be represented.
  • When I talk about my heterosexuality (such as in a joke or talking about my relationships), I will not be accused of pushing my sexual orientation onto others.
  • I do not have to fear that if my family or friends find out my sexual orientation there will be economic, emotional, physical, or psychological consequences.
  • I did not grow up with games that attack my sexual orientation (like fag tag or smear the queer)
  • I am not accused of being abused, warped, or psychologically confused because of my sexual orientation.
  • I can go home from most meetings, classes, and conversations without feeling excluded, fearful, attacked, isolated, outnumbered, unheard, held at a distance, stereotyped or feared because of my sexual orientation.
  • I am never asked to speak for everyone who is heterosexual.
  • I can be sure that my classes will require materials that testify to the existence of people of my sexual orientation.
  • People don’t ask why I made my choice of sexual orientation.
  • People don’t ask when I made my choice of sexual orientation
  • People don’t ask why I made my choice to be public about my sexual orientation.
  • I do not have to fear revealing my sexual orientation to friends or family.  It’s assumed.
  • My sexual orientation was never associated with a closet.
  • People of my gender do not try to convince me to change my sexual orientation.
  • I don’t have to defend my heterosexuality.
  • I can easily find a religious community that will not exclude me for being heterosexual.
  • I can count on finding a doctor or therapist willing and able to talk about my sexuality.
  • I am guaranteed to find sex education literature for couples with my sexual orientation.
  • Because of my sexual orientation, I do not need to worry that people will harass me.
  • I have no need to qualify my straight identity.
  • My masculinity/femininity is not challenged because of my sexual orientation.
  • I am not identified by my sexual orientation.
  • I can be sure that if I need legal or medical help my sexual orientation will not work against me.
  • If my day, week, or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether it has sexual orientation overtones.
  • When I rent or go to a movie theater, I can be sure I will not have trouble finding my sexual orientation represented.
  • I am guaranteed to find people of my sexual orientation in my classes/work, professors/supervisors, administration/corporate.
  • I can walk in public with my significant other and not have people do a double take or stare.
  • I can chose to not think politically about my sexual orientation.
  • I do not have to worry about telling my roommate about my sexuality.  It is assumed I am a heterosexual.
  • I can remain oblivious to the language and culture of LGBT folk without feeling in my culture any penalty for such oblivion.
  • I can go for months without being called straight.
  • I’m not grouped because of my sexual orientation.
  • My individual behavior does not reflect on people who identify as heterosexual.
  • People do not assume I am experienced in sex or that I even have it merely based on my sexual orientation.
  • I can kiss a person of the opposite gender without being watched or stared at.
  • Nobody calls me straight with maliciousness
  • People can use terms that describe my sexual orientation and mean positive things (straight as an arrow, standing up straight, straightened out) instead of demeaning terms (that’s gay, queer)
  • I am not asked to think about why I’m straight
  • I can be open about my sexual orientation without worrying about my job.

We spent less than a day talking about sexual orientation in my human sexuality class.  We did a group exercise where we were asked to discuss and agree on a persons homosexuality to heterosexuality on a 7 point spectrum.  Awkward, felt attacked, scared.  Then we get this sheet on heterosexual privileged and one on a homo-normative approach.  We don’t even need to read it or answer questions, just attach it to our portfolio to prove we were there that day.  And to think my teacher is involved with our college LGBT group.

Lately I’ve been feeling a lot of strange things regarding my orientation.  I joined a craft group om Facebook and part of it is writing a little information about us.  I get things like I’m married with two kids….  but I’m hesitant to put I’m gay on there, they don’t know me and how will they react.  I didn’t speak up in class when we did the exercise and said I was gay.  In fact once their prejudices started showing I shut down.  The one’s in blue are one’s I have related to before, some extremely so.

Get to know me questions: Part 3

7 May
  • 50) Do you believe in magic? Now I got this song stuck in my head.
  • 51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Yes and no, I hold them in my head and heart but try not to act it out behaviorally.
  • 52) What is your astrological sign?  Scorpio
  • 53) Do you save money or spend it?  Usually save it.
  • 54) What’s the last thing you purchased?  Scrapbook/Smash Journaling stuff.
  • 55) Love or lust? Love
  • 56) In a relationship? No
  • 57) Are you a virgin? No
  • 58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue? No
  • 59) Where were you yesterday? school, counseling appointment, home.
  • 60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?  Yeah, a la de dah journal.
  • 61) Are you wearing socks right now? No, I don’t like wearing socks unless I have tennis shoes on and I rarely wear shoes in the house.
  • 62) What’s your favorite animal?  As a pet dogs.  Exotic penguin.
  • 63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?  Be more thoughtful than usual.
  • 64) Where is your best friend? Probably sleeping or getting ready for work.
  • 66) What is your heritage?  German, Portuguese, Irish, and a mix of a bunch of other stuff.
  • 67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?  Sleeping.
  • 68) What do you think is Satan’s last name?  Good question, never thought of it.
  • 70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Yes, I treat others the way I want to be treated so of course I’d like how I treat myself.
  • 71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?  Save the dog.
  • 72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?  a.) no, maybe a few close friends. b.) try to go to Italy, act normal, tell people my true feelings. c.) no, I’m not afraid of death I actually welcome it.
  • 73) You can only have one of these things: trust or love. Trust
  • 74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Santa Monica by Everclear because I’ve been happy when I’m at their concerts.
  • 75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 9853

Role Playing

7 May

So we did a little role playing type exercise in counseling yesterday, usually I think these are stupid but I decided to humor her.  The first exercise was what admire about 20 something’s friend.  The second exercise was about what I admire/am proud of in me dealing with the abandonment fears, it was in 3rd person so a little strange.  This was what I came up with:

  • I’m proud of you for not trying to make him feel guilty.
  • I’m proud of you for trying to stay neutral and supportive.
  • I’m proud of you for not flipping out around him.
  • I’m proud of you for not being manipulative.
  • I’m proud of you for trying to support him and ask how the process is going.
  • I’m proud of you for not running away because this is so hard.
  • I’m proud of you for handling it as well as you have so far.


7 May

We did not want to work with her and she doesn’t want to work with us.  Now it’s game on!