A lot of different stuff

5 May

My eyes are burning and I feel like crying but I can’t.  It’s been a week since I brought up the voices and they have been out of control most this week.  My Fitness Pal says I can have 1,200 calories a day, the voices say way less.  My stomach is not hungry, but my mind is.  I got A’s on both parts of the Italian test today but will be pretty much guaranteed a B in the class, that’s not good enough for me and will wreck my 4.0 GPA at that school.  Looking at my DBT diary cards I was surprised I had 3 bad days in a row where I tried to use skills and it didn’t work and I still tried the 4th day, I guess that’s progress.  I need to work on my communicating but am too scared to do it in person.  I try and write messages but then don’t get the response I wanted or they don’t understand what I wrote.  This blog is my outlet, I write most everything here, password protecting few posts.  I know certain people will read it and I feel safe enough to truly write what’s going on.  That’s rare and awesome.  Sometimes I wish people followed up with what I write but I’m not to good at getting back to comments when I’m not well and real life people may find it awkward.  My eyes want to go to sleep but I know my brain will keep me awake.  I’d like to do something I’d enjoy but would probably feel guilty for not studying for tomorrows math exam.  I’m not worried about the presentation anymore, now that I know I practically have a B in the class no matter what.  I want to talk and connect with someone right now but blogging to the computer is not doing it for me, so goodbye.

One Response to “A lot of different stuff”

  1. manyofus1980 June 2, 2015 at 4:41 PM #

    It sounded like you were very stressed in this post marci. I somehow missed it when you originally wrote it. I do that sometimes, miss posts and they are in my inbox and I dont even know. X

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