Lots of arguing and yelling

30 Apr

I guess they saved it all up for tonight, it’s not all that surprising when I’m tired I’m weaker.  Earlier there was one crying and another yelling at her, I was spelling road signs to try and block it out, it helped till I got out of the car.  That’s a distress tolerance skill distract with thoughts.  I use it for voices a lot when driving.  Now it’s all about getting homework and studying done which is apparently useless because if I’m this stupid at math how will I ever teach it.  I can work on it for about 20 minutes before the taunting gets to bad and I move to something else for it to calm down for a bit.  I have been skipping to Italian and that had been working up to a couple of minutes ago.  Now the voices have moved on to suicidal and cutting urges and pissed off that I’m trying to do this swim thing after the NAMI Walk Saturday.  I’m on the verge of making an emergency appointment with my case manager but I am slightly afraid she will hospitalize me which even worse to admit that’s what I might need.  But the voices don’t want her interfering and I don’t want to go to the hospital so I don’t know what to do.  Thinking about going home and just taking some Valium and going to bed.  But I feel guilty I didn’t accomplish much today, plus we all know that’s just a temporary solution to a problem thats getting worse and worse.

2 Responses to “Lots of arguing and yelling”

  1. manyofus1980 May 15, 2015 at 8:53 AM #

    hi marci, so sorry the voices are arguing and yelling. thats rough. i hope that day it eased and you got to feeling better eventually. XX

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