Someone please soothe me

29 Apr

Life passes you by. Especially when you’re mentally ill. People grow and progress so much quicker, leaving you behind. I’m growing too, very slowly and it hurts to think of the future. Not only mine but the people I care about. They’ll have other priorities and I’ll fade to the background. As I move to the background I’ll wonder why I even tried and want to disappear altogether. My sister will have kids. 20 somethings friend will move. And now I’m having nightmares of my case manager leaving my health insurance. It’s a lonely place to be at 4am, anytime really. How are you suppose to calm me with these inevitabilities looming. It makes me want to die now so I don’t have to bare the loss. People say enjoy the time you have, but I see it shifting before my eyes. Peoples schedules changing and priorities too, me fading to the background. Is it better this gradual way?  When will I be someone’s number one?

8 Responses to “Someone please soothe me”

  1. Joyce April 29, 2015 at 4:26 AM #

    Sending virtual hugs xoxoxo ❤

  2. Bumblebee April 29, 2015 at 5:09 AM #

    Hi, I will try. I have had feelings in a similar vein. It helped me to find ways to focus on the present and on action rather than on future and past possibilities, which was draining me. It is still difficult but it is gradually becoming a better habit, and I feel better for it. I hope you feel you can ask for help when you need it most. There are people who will help and will give up their time for you. One thing you can do to help balance loss is to shift your schedule and priorities. Make you your number one, you are worth it. Take time and be gentle and gradual with yourself. I don’t know you, and I already know you are a brave, honest, articulate person. Best wishes xxx

  3. prideinmadness April 29, 2015 at 5:15 AM #

    I have seen that shift in my own life. It can be uncomfortable.

  4. manyofus1980 April 29, 2015 at 8:03 AM #

    mental illness is definitely so hard to deal with, and, it is certainly lonely too. sending you a hug if its ok to do that. X

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