Feeling Relieved

8 Apr

I had my appointment with my case manager today and it went well.  I was sort of all over the place yet still in a good place.  One of the things I really wanted to address was my anxiety about an upcoming appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow morning.  I know he will want an evaluation of my medication and because of this last month being crappy, my confidence has wavered in them.  I am also getting messages from family members that they don’t like some of the side effects of the medication and don’t think it’s working and never thought it worked.  I have other feedback that it was working but it seems like I need something more now.  And yet more feedback that it is working and with what was/is going on it’s understandable I’d be struggling.  I think I’m going to go with feedback number three.  But the best part is I probably won’t have to because my psychiatrist is sick and has called in sick the last two days.  Next available appointment is not until the end of May and that’s good for me because it will give me more time to evaluate.

Besides letting me know about my psychiatrist being sick my case manager said she also didn’t want to come to work today but came because of me and another client who happened to be her first appointment so she just stayed in between.  That made me smile. 🙂  I’m glad I’m not the only one that enjoys appointments and that this is a two-sided relationship.  We talked a lot about friendships and I mentioned how things are changing and you know me, I don’t like change!  I’m sad things won’t be like they were before with the larger circle of friends but I just need to accept it and stop trying to figure out how to fix it, because it’s not going back. 😦  I’m also struggling with abandonment fears because 20 something’s friend has some transfer appointments coming up, which just reminds me of the impending separation, even though it’ll be at least a year.  He’s worried about it taking longer or not getting into the school he wants and I want to be supportive even though I’d love it if he stuck around longer for whichever reason.  Reminds me of how I use to be and how I’d sabotage things so they would go my way.  I’m glad I’m not there anymore and whatever happens happens, I’m just going to try enjoy the now.

8 Responses to “Feeling Relieved”

  1. mscassiopeia April 8, 2015 at 11:44 PM #

    I’m glad things are doing fine with you.
    Even if he’s going away, maybe you’ll both find other ways to connect and catch up with each other.
    Good luck. 🙂

    • mm172001 April 11, 2015 at 11:02 AM #

      I hope so, it’s just my BPD fears kicking in.

      • mscassiopeia April 11, 2015 at 9:35 PM #

        You could always reflect or have a reality check. It helps. 🙂

      • Queen_Cassiopeia April 15, 2015 at 10:35 AM #

        I was reading something and they have a topic about group therapy, it reminded me of you.

        How are you and your group? I hope your meeting with them went well.

        • mm172001 April 16, 2015 at 4:36 PM #

          My 20 something’s group is getting better. Last week was the first time I went in 3 or 4 weeks. The clique-y-ness is becoming less prominent in group and I think people are making an effort. I’m still trying to adjust to how things are now but I’m not getting upset and refusing to participate because things are changing, so I guess things are going better.

  2. manyofus1980 April 9, 2015 at 11:25 PM #

    Glad the apt was good! Sorry 20 somethings friend is leaving in a year. I’m sure it wont be forever though. And, theres always facebook, skype etc. XX

    • mm172001 April 11, 2015 at 11:01 AM #

      Yeah but with BPD it’s really hard.

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