A stressful week upcoming

5 Apr

This week will be stressful, it’s midterms with a lot of homework due, tests and essays, I also have 3 mental health related appointments.  I knew this was coming but I didn’t prepare.  Partly because of the fall out of emotions, shame, and anxious obsessive problem solving after the cabin trip.  Luckily I’ve decided that it is not my responsibility to bring up the clique-ness of the group or how it feels unsafe; I reached this conclusion because I think pretty much everyone knows it and bring it up won’t likely change anything.  I have instead decided to focus on friendships I want to maintain or grow and how to do that.  I am not sure what I will do with the 20 somethings group.  My intention is to go to group this week but not to the facilitator meeting, but I’m playing it by ear and if I’m having a bad day I won’t chance it.  I’d like to be more of a distant facilitator, so I may propose that to another facilitator and see if she’s cool with it and if not most likely resign.  I see the group breaking up soon anyways, but really all I can do and have to do is keep contact with those I want to.  I’m sure I’ll feel some rejection because others will prioritize other friendships above mine, but I’ll try to be as okay with that as I can.  It’s no reason to assume everyone in the group will pick other people over me, no matter how much my avoidant personality/borderline personality disorders tell me.

So back to this week.  Tomorrow is my human sexuality midterm and my sex portfolio is due.  I need to get the papers together and remember to staple them and bring my scantron to class, I think this should be pretty easy.  Tuesday is my Italian essay and sadly I haven’t even looked to see what the topic is let alone write some practice drafts.  So I will either do that during break tomorrow or after school tomorrow.   Also with that essay all the book work and workbook are due, I haven’t started the workbook and about 1/2 the book work done.  In semesters prior I always did the homework and workbook the day of the exam so I don’t think it’ll be too big of a deal.  That evening I have DBT for the first time in 3 weeks due to a cancellation and me being on the cabin trip.  I wasn’t very good about charting my skills and moods and have a crappy time remembering.  Wednesday will be the big day, that is when my math test is.  On the last test I got a D which is really bad for me and have a 70% as of that test in the class.  I’m planning on making math my major and I need to pass pre-calculus with a C or better to go on to Calculus.  My math test is in the morning so I will try to do some studying Mon after school and Tuesday but my motivation sucks lately and I get distracted easily.  At 3:30 I have an appointment with my case manager.  Thursday morning I see my psychiatrist which I’m kinda dreading because I think he will be on me about weight gain.  I’m also not sure to assess how I’m doing and I don’t really trust other people’s evaluations but then again I have been taught not to trust my own either.  The chapter test part of Italian.  I’m going to try and go to 20 something’s group but not the facilitator meeting.  But if the week stresses me out too much I won’t chance it.

No plans really for Friday, Saturday, or Sunday— maybe sleep off all the stress.

4 Responses to “A stressful week upcoming”

  1. tlohuis April 5, 2015 at 9:44 PM #

    You sure do have a full week ahead of you, but you can do it!!!!!

    • mm172001 April 7, 2015 at 10:44 AM #

      I hope so. I have zero motivation.

  2. manyofus1980 April 6, 2015 at 9:17 AM #

    Wow, busy week ahead. I hope you do well on all the midterms. I’m sure you will. Sending you lots of supportive hugs and love. X

    • mm172001 April 7, 2015 at 10:47 AM #

      No motivation. 😦 is making it hard and I really gotta do good on this math.

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