I’ve had a good day but I’m struggling now

19 Mar

I’ve had a good day for the most part.  Tonight, actually right now, is 20 somethings group.  I’ve decided to take some time off group because there is the potential of feeling left out triggering me really bad.  And I don’t want to self-harm, or have to go to crisis residential or the hospital.  But all I can think about right now is how they probably don’t even care and don’t even miss me.  I know it’s the BPD talking but who is going to argue against, I doubt anyone from group.

I also feel so dumb and weak for letting these types of things have such an impact on my life.  I wish I could just brush it off.  The loneliness, the emptiness, the feeling of not belonging.  And right now a bit of paranoia that they never really liked me anyways, and this was all part of some plan.

7 Responses to “I’ve had a good day but I’m struggling now”

  1. Andi March 19, 2015 at 9:10 PM #

    Sorry you’re struggling :/

    • mm172001 March 19, 2015 at 9:13 PM #

      Thanks. Sometimes it’s so frustrating the things we have to give up in order not to get triggered

  2. Zoe March 20, 2015 at 1:56 AM #

    Just remember it’s not really “you” if you can. I know it’s hard but I’m making a consistent effort to remind myself I’m awesome. It’s my conditions that aren’t so awesome.

  3. manyofus1980 March 21, 2015 at 6:09 PM #

    I bet they do miss you. I know its hard when paranoia sets in though. Safe hugs if ok? xX

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