I feel really stable today

15 Mar

This BPD is confusing the hell out of me and making life very scary at times.  I’m still not so sure what to do because the intensely suicidal times rarely last more than a day.  I want to keep on with school.  I want to not be hospitalized again.  I want to be normal.  And parts of me want to be alive.

I was reading some of my fellow bloggers posts about DID today and it’s interesting.  I’ve always referred to myself as fragmented, split, or having parts.  I have memory loss, dissociation, and varying degrees of identity disturbance that sometimes makes me seem like a whole another person.  I also heard voices and after reading various blogs thought this could be co-consciousness.  The therapist just calls them trauma voices.  I’ve had one therapist actually suggest DID.  Most professionals think these above symptoms are part of my BPD or part of my schizoaffective disorder, now with the added PTSD diagnosis, I’m really starting to wonder.  I was scared to death when the prior therapist mentioned DID and I abruptly stopped seeing her.  But after reading some of my followers it seems like it’s not as scary of a diagnosis as it sounds.  Regardless of what is wrong with me I have some level of dissociation.

2 Responses to “I feel really stable today”

  1. Zoe March 15, 2015 at 10:35 PM #

    A very close friend of mine was diagnosed with DID and it’s really not as scary as it sounds. In fact, I find that one of the most liberating experiences in her life was finally getting the right diagnosis and treatment. We’re more than labels, yes, but we can improve our quality of life if we know what we’re dealing with (and treat it specifically as best we can.)

    If you feel something isn’t right in your current diagnosis, challenge it. I know how terrifying it can be to face new possibilities. And remember: you’re still a great soul underneath it all anyways.

    • mm172001 March 17, 2015 at 11:13 AM #

      I don’t know if I want to challenge it right now. Sometimes just writing things out help.

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