Lacking

14 Mar

I don’t know what it is about March (and October too) and I guess I don’t really need to know.  But I feel so weak, empty, lacking connection, lonely, ashamed, like no one likes me, like an outsider.  I know these feelings come and go at all times throughout the year but in March it’s more intense, going on more, and multiple things at a time.  I feel lost and like I’m going through the motions.  I’m getting tired of going through the motions just for the sake of it.  But that’s what I’m suppose to do.  I woke up in a little better mood today, disturbing dreams about church and old work but not emotional ones.  My stomach has still been having it’s issues too, which isn’t surprising… stress and mental health impact physical health.  Today I went to high school friend’s house for a game night, while I know all the people there I’m still the outsider.  They were talking about an upcoming wedding and bridal shower both of which I wasn’t invited to.  I guess it shouldn’t bother me too much, I’m only really close with high school friend and only kinda know the rest.  I just feel like everything is lacking and there is nothing I can do about it.  I feel dead inside, empty, and lonely all at the same time, is that even possible?  Wish I had someone to talk to.

2 Responses to “Lacking”

  1. manyofus1980 March 14, 2015 at 11:36 PM #

    I’m around if you’d like to email me. I’m sorry your feeling so bad. Sending a hug. XX

    • mm172001 March 17, 2015 at 11:17 AM #

      I’ll consider that next time

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