14 Mar

So someone got me thinking about love and my family. And while it still holds true that I’ve never really felt loved by my family. They’re not horrible people. I feel like they care about me and sometimes want to help me. It also occurred to me that not everyone has the same definition of love and according to their definitions, they may love me in their way. So I thought I’d write out some of how I feel about each family member. 

I’ll start with my sister first because she is the easiest. I’m closer to her than anyone else in the family. I love her. She listens to me. She tries to make me feel better, and if I say something’s not working she stops. She’s nice to me even when I’m doing well. She takes time to reach out to me. I trust her not to tell my personal stuff to other people. 

Lil sis. My sister once described lil sis as the biggest bitch with the biggest heart and that’s kind of a good explaination. Sometimes she tries to make me feel better. She does thoughtful things that I really like for gifts. I don’t see her as much since she lives a couple hours away but we do random things that are fun, like our groupon days. The things I have a hard time with is she’s very stubborn, thinks she’s right, and can be someone I like spending time with but not too much. 

My mom. I use to say my mom was in her own little world, which is seeming less true as time goes on. My mom will sometimes step up and do the parenting thing if my dad is gone. Sometimes things depend on her mood or whatever, so not a person I try to count on. But she makes me food, she takes me out to dinner sometimes, and lately she’s been supportive and distracting my dad away when I’m doing something with my LGBT friends and don’t want them there or my ex-girlfriend. 

My dad definitely tries the hardest, he’s just not that good at succeeding and when I try to tell him what works and what doesn’t he really doesn’t listen. Some things that he does right is when he’s trying and he gets it right like getting me out of the house, inviting people over, things like that. He also does spontaneously thoughtful things like get me an ice cream to go. I feel like he does a lot of it out of guilt and there isn’t as much interaction when I’m doing well. 

I'l love to hear your thoughts

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