Hesitant to write

8 Feb

I just got back from our Canadian vacation with my sister.  I didn’t bring my laptop with me and find it difficult to post on the wordpress app unless I really need to.  Plus it was a vacation that was mostly pleasant.  I did have body issues while there that were pretty intense and constant.  Along with these emotions and thoughts came the urges and ideas to stop eating so much (in an unhealthy way.)  I’ve never been diagnosed with an eating disorder but I have issues with eating and my weight but it comes and goes and doesn’t fit in any specific category too well.  I use to throw up sometimes.  I use food to comfort me when bored, overwhelmed, or sad.  I restrict food to punish myself and when too depressed to care.  After a time period of not eating much food I will then go on a binge and repeat that cycle.  Usually I can go about 3 days eating less before the binge comes.  I used to think I didn’t have enough self control/restraint to have an eating disorder.  And many times I’m struggling with bigger things and this is just a side note to the depression or the punishment or whatever is the case.  I’m trying to fight the urges especially since I’m doing pretty well in other areas of my life.  I think that’s why the urges are so strong, I’m so use to being unwell that I have a draw towards anything unhealthy.

5 Responses to “Hesitant to write”

  1. Fumbling Through Therapy February 9, 2015 at 6:29 PM #

    I hear this. Once we were able to settle down the self-injurious and substance abusing parts of our system, the anorexic came out in full force. Now it’s a daily battle to eat. Which really sucks. And it feels like it always has to be SOMETHING unhealthy that we’re using to cope. So exhausting. Glad your vacation was pleasant, though!

    • mm172001 February 9, 2015 at 6:31 PM #

      Thanks, I kind of felt weird since I’ve always had minor issues with eating and now this powerful urge. It’s good to know I’m not alone and I’m going to try and kick the behavior in the butt before it even begins.

  2. manyofus1980 February 13, 2015 at 8:18 PM #

    Glad you had a good vacation. Sorry the eating issues cropped up. I know what you mean about self control and not having any. I feel like that too sometimes. LIke how could I have an ED I dont have the self control for that. But I am diagnosed bulimic or part of me is. XX

    • mm172001 February 14, 2015 at 2:57 PM #

      It’s more weight issues and i’m alarmed they will turn into eating issues. We’ll see hopefully not

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