Shame on me

1 Feb

Today has not been a very good day. For those of you wondering about my last post on medication, I did get my dad to pick up the Lamictal but didn’t get the Prazosin by mail until after I’d left Friday, so no Prazosin all weekend but I’m on all my other Meds. I thought this weekend went well until about 15 minutes till we got home. I should know better when someone starts a conversation with something like I don’t want to piss you off or I don’t want this to ruin your weekend. Another thing my sister and dad have in common. Anyways, apparently my sister hates Disneyland and hates driving. She was angry (to say the least) that I had slept about 3 hours on the car ride there and about 6 hours on the car ride back. I explained part of it was to do with my medications and she just responded with something to the fact of you don’t want to hear my opinions on those. Then she said I wouldn’t have slept if it was a friend going with me to Disneyland or something and made some hints that they allow me to do this. I tried telling her she should have told me and I would have drank a red bull, that I didn’t realize it was that important. That just made her angrier. She said what if we switched places and I don’t know how I’m suppose to know all these things before they happen. I’m comfortable around my sister and that’s why I let myself sleep, I know better to do that next time. In addition it led me into a borderline spiral that included crying, self harm urges, suicidal thoughts, and the urge to cut up my Disneyland annual pass. I laid down for awhile and then just ate a bunch of ice cream for which I feel guilty for. Here’s a picture of my DBT Diary for this week notice the emotions/urges for today: self harm, suicide, sad, anger, and shame. Especially look at the difference of today versus all the other days earlier in the week.


2 Responses to “Shame on me”

  1. Fumbling Through Therapy February 2, 2015 at 7:15 PM #

    I’m sorry that happened 😦


  1. It’s been crazy busy | Marci, Mental Health, & More - February 4, 2015

    […] the main reason however is that I’ve been busier than all get out.  After I wrote my post Shame on me, my sister read it and called me the next morning confronting me on it.  It just started another […]

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