Growing pains

19 Jan

Today was great. Although I didn’t have my 3rd date. She’s going to try to come over wed after work. I’m nervous, one of the things I’m most nervous of is my self harm scars, what to say, and how she’ll react. Things are moving pretty fast and I’m okay with it, I think I’d feel the same nervousness at any stage or pace. 20 something’s friend is trying to help calm my nerves and while I know the stuff he says is true, it’s really hard to internalize it and take it to heart. I just need to enjoy this while it lasts, however long that is, and stop always stressing and worrying.

The first couple days of my parents being gone is working out just fine. It’s actually better than when they’re here. A major eye opener and confidence builder for moving out.

The days had anxiety and mini flashbacks of people’s reactions to my scars. I had some emptiness but I dealt with it constructively by distraction and pleasurable activities (two of the DBT skills). I was talking earlier about how I use to be and I’m so much healthier and happier now, even when I’m not at my happiest. I’ve cut out a lot of situational stuff that effects my mood and put situational stuff that effects my mood in a good way in.

I feel like I’m growing, and boy sometimes do I feel those growing pains. But it’s worth it, it’s so worth it. 😀

6 Responses to “Growing pains”

  1. Fumbling Through Therapy January 20, 2015 at 4:54 AM #

    I totally agree. Growing is so painful and difficult. It can be tempting to slide back into old patterns, but when you use new skills to deal with tough situations, its very empowering. Good for you!

  2. thegamesmybrainplays January 20, 2015 at 8:09 AM #

    sounds like things are moving positively for you.

  3. Cat January 20, 2015 at 10:15 AM #

    It SOUNDS like you are growing, Marci.

    I appreciate your worries about the scars, but you gave yourself a good piece of advice, “enjoy it while it lasts”. No point worrying what if and what might be. You might find she already knows something about SH, who knows. 😉

  4. manyofus1980 January 21, 2015 at 8:42 AM #

    I see the growth in your posts Marci. I hope the date works out for you. Enjoy it anyhow. XX

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