I can’t be me

13 Jan

It’s very hard to just sit with it and be me.  I don’t like me and I don’t think anyone else does either.  I’m always worrying about what I’m saying or doing.  Worrying about things that are coming up.  Worrying about things that will probably never come up.  I know what to say when someone asks me the good qualities about myself, I can repeat them effortlessly though I don’t believe them.  When someone pays me a compliment it makes me very uneasy, but I do remember them for short times.  Then life becomes life again and I’m unimportant and worthless.  I don’t mean this as a pity me argument or party or whatever.  It just seems there is always something better, someone who is better at me than things, people who are more socially savvy, people who aren’t so insecure.  It’s impossible to be the best and I know that, it’s also unlikely to be the worst and I know that too.  But I know inside me how things are even if some people see me better than I do.  After all it would be me who knows the truth, right?

2 Responses to “I can’t be me”

  1. manyofus1980 February 3, 2015 at 10:04 AM #

    Sometimes we have a skewed idea of the truth. We don’t see what other people see. Its good though that you know the good qualities that you possess, because they are part of who you are. XX

    • mm172001 February 4, 2015 at 4:45 PM #

      Sometimes it just feels so rehearsed.

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