Reasons why recovery from BPD is frightening. My take.

6 Jan

I really didn’t like the second part of this series and didn’t think it described me. It’s sort of scary even saying that because the first one was so good and maybe I’m wrong. Here is the link to check out the second installment by PsychCentral if you’re interested. part 2

The second section talks a lot about black and white thinking and the need to be right. I do have this trait but not to a degree where it tears apart relationships and my way of thinking of the world.

For me it’s more about why am I having these reactions and urges when everyone else seems to be fine. I’m the one that’s inherently flawed not them. I need to change, yet it’s impossible and ineffective to pick out one healthy person and mirror them. That’s when the over analyzing and extreme anxiety comes in. When recovery feels unnatural, un-understandable, and therefore impossible.

Also who will I be when all my inherently flawed ways of thinking, feeling, and acting are gone. Will I lose the few strengths I have, that I feel I developed from Borderline Personality Disorder. Will I lose my uniqueness and the community I found through blogging. Will no one be there to support me when I have the occasional bad day because she’s better.

These are more consistent with my fears.

7 Responses to “Reasons why recovery from BPD is frightening. My take.”

  1. manyofus1980 January 6, 2015 at 9:43 PM #

    We’ll all still be there for you even if your somewhat better. Your blog will still be your blog. People will still read it. I’m sorry it frightens you so much. XX

    • mm172001 January 7, 2015 at 5:33 PM #

      I know it doesn’t make much sense logically but for some reason I just can’t kick the feelings

  2. H. January 8, 2015 at 5:26 PM #

    I agree, I dont feel like the 2nd part related as much to me either. I will say, when Im in the middle of an “episode”, my thinking becomes 100% black and white and there isnt room for anyone elses opinion, but thats when Im like out of my, in total crisis. The rest of the time, like you said, to me Im always wrong. Everyone else is right, Im the problem.

    • mm172001 January 9, 2015 at 10:06 AM #

      I think too often they try to blame the borderline as being rigid and blaming everyone else and that’s why I didn’t like it. It gives a negative widely spread stereotype room to grow. The third part is on trust, looking forward to that.

      • H. January 9, 2015 at 2:46 PM #

        Agreed.

  3. bpdtransformation January 13, 2015 at 4:24 PM #

    I agree with the others’ thoughts here. There are different degrees of splitting and it makes little sense to generalize about “borderlines” vs everyone else. Even “normal” people can mildly split if under enough stress. And, different “borderlines” are very different from one another in how much they use splitting and what situations trigger it, and so on. I just wrote an article about splitting actually, at the top of my blog, that you might be interested in… please check it out!

    • mm172001 January 15, 2015 at 10:47 PM #

      I did and it was very informative, thanks.

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