People aren’t really my thing

9 Dec

Turns out tonight’s DBT orientation class was an interview for the year long course. I was no nervous and frustrated no one told me! Probably because they (rightly) figured I wouldn’t go. So like 6 or 7 of us go into the room, they give us some general information and rules and then have us go back to the waiting room to call us in one by one. There were two group leaders. I know I kept messing with my hair and probably rambled it’s either that or be totally quiet and I didn’t want them to think I wouldn’t be participating. And then to top off those couple stressful moments they just ask how you get your appointment reminders. So I don’t even know if I got in and won’t till January 12th. I can maybe ask the therapist at my next appt on Christmas Eve. But the rejection might be harder to handle. At least if I’m by myself I don’t have to pretend and can cope however I want. People make me so anxious. Why do I even care. I guess I just hate being alone so it’s important for me to have people connections, even though it’s so hard and ends up hurting. I guess it’s that fear of rejection, abandonment, and judgement/ criticism

4 Responses to “People aren’t really my thing”

  1. manyofus1980 December 9, 2014 at 11:01 PM #

    I hope you get in! Keeping everything crossed for you. XX

  2. healthycrabby December 11, 2014 at 9:41 AM #

    I had similar issues back when I was in University trying to get a music degree. Every year we had to do these juries, which involved playing in front of two to three judges. Put me in front of an audience with my instrument, I would mostly be fine. Put me in front of those three people? I was a basket case! In the end I tended to do better than I thought I did, and you probably did too! It’s hard to tell what those two people were thinking, but they were probably thinking great things! (I know that’s hard to believe even hearing it from others.)

    In either case do your best to take a breather and challenge any of those negative thoughts. Let yourself enjoy Christmas, then maybe closer to January you can take a peek at how you think you might handle whatever answer you might get.

    In any case friend I hope you do okay, and my fingers are crossed for you as well!

    • mm172001 December 11, 2014 at 7:05 PM #

      Thank you very much. I guess it’s just as well they didn’t tell me because I probably wouldn’t have went. At least I have a chance of getting in the group now.

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