Am I just lazy and other craziness

26 Nov

I’m feeling better mostly and it’s been a month. Now I feel like I’m not accomplishing enough. Part of me says relax and try to enjoy the good time but the other part knows this doesn’t last and I should be working hard on stuff. I just want a break sometimes. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable. I’ve gotten a break from the depression and a somewhat break from my anxieties and thoughts. But again, and at night again, my thoughts are swirling. I’m upset about gaining weight but not upset enough to do anything constructive about it, the only response I’m considering is stopping the Meds which I know would be stupid. I’m getting all on myself about my lack of dating skills, my ineptitude and resigned attitude towards the whole thing. Today one of dads friends asked what was new and then what was new with my sisters. Nothing’s new really and my stuff sounds pathetic compared to theirs. Both have reached developmental milestones before I have and I don’t know if I ever even will. I’m just so displeased with myself right now. I need someone to tell me all the good I’m doing and progress in making. Thing is it’s midnight and I’d be too afraid to ask anyways.

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