When life is a lecture and you never live up

23 Nov

I’m doing comparatively well right now compared to the last almost year of depression.  It’s been about a month now and now people are starting to put the pressure on.  Well, I guess they do when I’m not well also.  I’m constantly being lectured by family members and nothing is good enough.  If I get something they complain or nag about down they just find something else.  Today was another lecture on me cleaning my room.  Today was another lecture on not approving of the way I dress.  Today was another lecture about “tough love” and not getting my way.

Today was a hassle and all those lectures did is make me feel worse about myself.  I shouldn’t put so much stock in pleasing other people, especially my family.  All I seem to do is disappoint but I can’t just not try.  It’s frustrating because deep inside I know it will never be enough and there will be another lecture and some more expectations I don’t live up to.

7 Responses to “When life is a lecture and you never live up”

  1. Ziya Tamesis November 23, 2014 at 5:54 AM #

    *hugs* I’ve experienced this with my mom, pretty much my whole life. On a rational level I’ve accepted that I can never fully meet her approval, but I still hope things will change & feel hurt when she lectures me. I’ve found getting away & learning the perspectives of other people I care about to be very helpful.

    • mm172001 November 24, 2014 at 12:02 PM #

      Yeah, unfortunately I live with my parents and my sister who I don’t live with has been doing it to me lately too.

  2. manyofus1980 November 23, 2014 at 7:03 PM #

    I’m so sorry your family are making you feel bad about yourself. It shouldn’t be like that but unfortunately sometimes it is with family. Mine are like that sometimes too. xoxo

  3. myskinblues November 24, 2014 at 1:06 AM #

    The things you’ve written look very familiar to me.
    I also feel always disappointing, because my family makes me feel constantly like that – disappointing because my room is a mess, disappointing because I’m always out, disappointing because I don’t have a job or a driving licence.
    But the truth is that they are equally disappointing: they constantly fail to see beyond their prejudices.
    I don’t know if this consideration also applies to you, but in my case I often think that they see only the negative aspects of myself and my everyday life, and by doing so, they invalidate me and contribute to my feeling of being a constant failure.
    A stupid example, I do the dishes everyday after lunch. When it rarely happens that I don’t, it’s because I have an appointment early and have to run immediately after lunch, or I have to write/send a job application with a certain rapidity by an early hour, and stuff like that. As soon as this happens, it is like I am always like that, they attack me and tell me that I never do anything for them, that I am a lousy person, that I get pleasure (!?!?!) from irritating them, that I do it all on purpose, and the list goes on.
    They should be in therapy, too.

    • mm172001 November 24, 2014 at 12:05 PM #

      My case manager always mentions my family needing to be in therapy. I feel like my dad is like you explained just waiting to catch me messing up so he can lecture me on it. My mom used to be pretty non interactive but lately she has been lecturing me. Sorry your family is so insensitive.

      • myskinblues November 25, 2014 at 1:37 PM #

        In my family the roles are switched, my mother’s the one always blaming on me and lecturing me, while my father has been a bit outside of all these habits until recenly, but fortunately he amuses himself in this way only sporadically.

        Anyway, it is a really miserable situation that generates a lot of maladaptive behaviors between us. I think too often that I can’t really progress if they don’t go into therapy as well. I guess it must be the same for you.

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