Social worryings and am I pushing enough?

12 Nov

So of course I’m back to my social anxieties.  And it has to do with a lot of things, like I said I didn’t go to the birthday party of the girl from group and I didn’t really want to go.  But there is something inside me that is like you have to go to everything or no one will like you and they’ll stop inviting you.  I quieted that down on Saturday and hung out with family instead.  Just tonight I was invited to go to the drive-ins tomorrow with a bunch of people who go to group.  I can’t go because class is too late that night and too early the next.  Then I find out other people were invited before me and it makes me go through the thinking of am I just the runner up person…  Also I got the nerve to mention to 20 something’s friend that I think another one of our friends may be saying things that are infuencing other people’s opinion.  I’ve been going back and forth on this whether to say anything but tonight seemed like okay and I’d want to know if it was happening to me.  But then I feel bad and like I’m just wanting to start drama, which I hate drama- that’s why I usually stay away from larger groups of people but I guess it’s inevitable. However, I still don’t know if what I said was okay or not.  Also another girl is making her friends-way into the group and I’m jealous she’s doing it so easily and quickly when she has expressed to me anxiety about it.  I wish I could be like that, I guess more jealous of the ability and how she is received.

And tonight I brought up something about the online dating and my friend was like oh you’ve given up on that, but I don’t think I have.  I still don’t know where I stand with the girl I went on a couple dates with and (of course) have the fear she is stringing me along.  If I find out she is, I move on.  But I’m not sure right now and I got a lot going on with things beginning to change with the meds again.  It’d definitely be easier just to work things out with her or let them sit stagnate how they are right now and once I know for sure then act.  But maybe I’m just using an excuse because it is hard for me, very hard.  I always have a struggle with not thinking I’m doing enough and sometimes pushing myself too far.  An example in counseling I mentioned to case manager about being open to working on the alcoholism childhood and all and she was like no you’re just starting to stabilize, lets not dive into anything.  You always want to do that.  And yes I always do because I don’t know how long this will last and if I only do things when stable I’d be missing out on a lot in life.  So am I missing out on dating and sex right now? or is it fine for this figuring out period because I got so much else going on?

2 Responses to “Social worryings and am I pushing enough?”

  1. manyofus1980 December 12, 2014 at 3:34 PM #

    I hope by now you managed to figure out the dating thing. That stuff can be hard. Knowing when to say something to her or not to. You seemed to have a lot of worries in this post. XX

    • mm172001 December 13, 2014 at 4:58 PM #

      Yeah still worrying out it, it’s just so new to me.

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