30 MIAC Results/Round Up

12 Oct

MIA challenge

In an effort to find the response to those participating in the 30 Days of Mental Illness Awareness Challenge easier to find, I am posting and updating this page to include the links to each day’s results/round up.

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30 Days of Mental Illness Awareness Challenge- Master List

24 Sep

I decided to start this challenge first of all to help my readers learn more things specifically related to my mental illnesses.  My fellow bloggers are welcome to participate in any or all of the challenge prompts.  I will do a post within about 3 days of the prompt and my response to link to people who participate, please pingback/link to this post or tag 30MIAC.  If you chose to do the prompts later, don’t find the challenge till later, or life happens and you don’t get a prompt answered within the 3 days no worries, if you pingback to this post I will add you to the post that has the links to that prompt.  I will be starting to post my responses to the prompts in October, I am just posting this now so people can brainstorm and spread the word.  You can also start at anytime.  I hope this will raise some awareness and give you insight to mental illness.  Here is the image to go with the challenge:

MIA challenge

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Protected: Define rape

29 Sep

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Resource: Breaking Down Emotional Walls

28 Sep

I read this awesome article from PsychCentral about braking down Emotional Walls and how they form to protect us in childhood when we deal with emotional neglect.  I really recommend checking out the full article here.

Here are Five Steps to Breaking Down Your Wall:

  1. Open up: Override the unspoken childhood rule DON’T TALK. Identify the trustworthy people in your life, and talk to them about difficult things in your life and difficult things in their lives. Talk about things you never would have before. Be vulnerable. Talk, talk, and talk some more.
  2. Make friends with your emotions: Several times each day, close your eyes, focus inward, and ask yourself, “What am I feeling?”  Pay attention to how you feel about things, and listen to those feelings. Know that your feelings matter. If the feelings that come up are difficult to handle, please find a trained therapist to support and help you learn to tolerate and manage them.
  3. Take your own needs seriously: Override the unspoken childhood rule DON’T ASK. Tell the people in your life when you need help or support. And then let them help you.
  4. Let people in: Fill your life with quality people. Meaningful relationships are a primary source of richness, connection and meaning in life.
  5. Get to know who you are: Pay attention to everything about yourself. What do you love, dislike, excel at, struggle with? What is important to you? What are your values? What do you care about? Once you see the full picture of who you are, you will see your value and worth, and you will feel stronger.

An update for the non-password community

28 Sep

I had another date with the girl I met through the online dating.  It was a nice date but some of the stuff that came up and went on require password protecting.  If you want the password feel free to comment or e-mail me and I will most likely give it to you.  Most password protected posts have to do with dissociation, sex, and/or childhood issues.  It’s not that I don’t want people to read it but more like I don’t want strangers reading it or family.

I have been dealing with friend issues mostly related to the BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and the AvPD (Avoidant Personality Disorder.)  The gist of the two disorders or at least how they have been affecting my friendships (if you don’t want to click the link and read the actual criteria) is with feelings that people don’t like me and fears of real or imagined abandonment.  So in the last 3 years since I have been going to my LGBT group the 20 something’s I have been trying to make friends.  This is real new to me and very difficult with my social anxiety, yet I keep trying.  It got into my head in the last few weeks that these people I was putting a lot of effort into becoming friends with didn’t really like me but were in fact using me.  This was made harder by the fact that it has been a pattern in my life for friends to use me for different things and discard me when I no longer am useful or catch on and get angry or avoid them.  I was trying to have a balanced perspective and not jump to conclusions which is easy to do when you are so insecure.

This is what I have figured out along with the help of some other trusted friends.  These people like me but are probably not as interested as becoming as close friends to me as I am with them, this hurts but I need to accept it and move on.  I am an introvert and as one during big social gatherings I tend to sit back and be quiet sometimes being rather uncomfortable and possibly giving off that vibe, I may not be being invited to events because they assume I wouldn’t like them.  I don’t have to go to all the events to stay friends with these people.  It’s okay for me to invite them to things but I need to do so without the expectation that they will invite me to things back.  I need to invite them because I think I’ll have fun with them, not for them or because I feel guilty.  It’s okay not to like certain people and still be pleasant.  Some friendships will just be surface level friendships. Realizing all this makes me feel even more grateful for the real/close friends that I do have.


30 Day Self Harm Awareness Challenge: day 17

28 Sep

Master List

17. Do you know anyone else who injures themselves?

Only people in the blogging world.  I use to know a couple friends in real life that did, actually almost all the friends I had in real life were self harmers.  But it was unhealthy and would get competitive.

Protected: Aftereffects

28 Sep

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Protected: Date

27 Sep

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Overwhelmed and empty

26 Sep

So I didn’t accomplish the two other things. Just a combo of overwhelmed alternating with empty feelings. Intellectually I know i have things to look forward to. I just wished the feelings aligned. :(

I’m doing okay

26 Sep

Trying not to be so hard on myself.  Still haven’t gotten to the homework yet, but now my sister feel’s bad about the cat being put down so we are back on for random restaurant Friday.  I managed to control the clinging urges.  I’m doing okay.

I’ve read a lot of blogs I related to recently.

Something in particular was comparing how sometimes we act/feel like toddlers.  While I don’t really like being compared to a toddler there are some very good points.

  • Black and white thinking
  • Projecting your feelings to others
  • Difficulties with object permanence
  • Lack of boundaries
  • Instability in self image

And I would throw in:

  • Tantrums
  • Wanting to be a grown up but not responsibilities of it.
  • Separation anxiety
  • Attachment issues- clingy and independent/dismissive
  • Sulking
  • Not understand the way the world works

And this is just with me.

A mix kind of day

26 Sep

I had everything figured out, then life throws you for a loop. A person from group is hosting poker night at her house. But I’ve never been there before, I’m in my vulnerable state, and it was pointed out to me I’m not a big crowds kind of person. So I had decided not to go and we we’re suppose to do random restaurant Friday, but my sister canceled this morning. I made it to therapy and I’m trying to fill out the little journal again of nice things people say/do to look back on when the intense feelings that people don’t like me, or are going to abandon me or reject me come up. I had 3 things to accomplish, 4 after going to therapy because the therapist says u should try to eat more for more energy. I ate lunch despite not going with my dad. He is having the cat put down today. It’s not affecting me that much cuz I have so much other stuff going on. Now I took some NyQuil because it’s just too much. I’ll do my hmwk when I get up (the 2 other things). Trying to stay unclingy despite some serious urges. Don’t want to wreck a good thing.

A little perspective

25 Sep

I feel like my life is falling apart which in no new feeling to me.  I have parts of my life and they kind of separate from the others, I compartmentalize a lot; usually there are only a couple of compartments (school, family, mental health).  Now as I’m trying to expand my life and create the life worth living there are more compartments which mean more opportunities for things to go awry.  Which just causes me even more anxiety.  But I talked with two people who gave me different perspectives than the way I currently saw things and I am feeling a bit better.  I know that a lot of the stuff is just the way I am and I need to be okay with that.  I need to tolerate being alone better too.  Well I need to work on a lot of things, like most people I imagine.  But there are some exciting things happening in my life and new things and possibilities.  I know I can’t just wait till I get stable to start living life but it’s really unnerving feeling like you’re living on the edge all the time.  I gotta remember that there are different type of friendships and just because I want a deep friendship with someone doesn’t mean it’s going to happen and that just how it may be.  I need to learn to be okay with surface level friendships.  I need to learn when to leave a situation because being around people is making me more uncomfortable and worse.  It’s a lot of stuff to think about, but it makes me feel like I could be in a little more control.  And I like certainty and control.


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