30 MIAC Results/Round Up

12 Oct

MIA challenge

In an effort to find the response to those participating in the 30 Days of Mental Illness Awareness Challenge easier to find, I am posting and updating this page to include the links to each day’s results/round up.

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30 Days of Mental Illness Awareness Challenge- Master List

24 Sep

I decided to start this challenge first of all to help my readers learn more things specifically related to my mental illnesses.  My fellow bloggers are welcome to participate in any or all of the challenge prompts.  I will do a post within about 3 days of the prompt and my response to link to people who participate, please pingback/link to this post or tag 30MIAC.  If you chose to do the prompts later, don’t find the challenge till later, or life happens and you don’t get a prompt answered within the 3 days no worries, if you pingback to this post I will add you to the post that has the links to that prompt.  I will be starting to post my responses to the prompts in October, I am just posting this now so people can brainstorm and spread the word.  You can also start at anytime.  I hope this will raise some awareness and give you insight to mental illness.  Here is the image to go with the challenge:

MIA challenge

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Am I just lazy and other craziness

26 Nov

I’m feeling better mostly and it’s been a month. Now I feel like I’m not accomplishing enough. Part of me says relax and try to enjoy the good time but the other part knows this doesn’t last and I should be working hard on stuff. I just want a break sometimes. I don’t think that’s too unreasonable. I’ve gotten a break from the depression and a somewhat break from my anxieties and thoughts. But again, and at night again, my thoughts are swirling. I’m upset about gaining weight but not upset enough to do anything constructive about it, the only response I’m considering is stopping the Meds which I know would be stupid. I’m getting all on myself about my lack of dating skills, my ineptitude and resigned attitude towards the whole thing. Today one of dads friends asked what was new and then what was new with my sisters. Nothing’s new really and my stuff sounds pathetic compared to theirs. Both have reached developmental milestones before I have and I don’t know if I ever even will. I’m just so displeased with myself right now. I need someone to tell me all the good I’m doing and progress in making. Thing is it’s midnight and I’d be too afraid to ask anyways.

Transgender Day of Remembrance Ceremony

25 Nov

On Saturday I went to a Transgender Remembrance Ceremony at a local church.  It was my first one and I didn’t really know what to expect.  What I noticed from reading the names are that transgender women are more likely to be victims and a lot of the victims were in Brazil.

Abandonment fears and insecurity abound

24 Nov

I’ve been doing pretty well not focusing on the future and trying to be in the here and now but right now I can’t get thoughts out of my head. 20 something’s friend is planning on moving by spring of 2016 if he gets all his classes. I’ve tried to avoid thinking about it because I get incredibly anxious, insecure, and go into a near panic attack. Of course my first instinct is to move too, follow him. And then my second is just to detach so when he leaves it won’t be so hard. Of course both I think make me look like a crazy person. Writing helps calm me a little.

Daily Prompt: In Retrospect

24 Nov

WordPress Daily Prompt 10/29/14Yesterday you invented a new astrological sign. Today, write your own horoscope — for the past month (in other words, as if you’d written it October 1st).

October will be a trying month for you as usual.  Use your resilience and stubbornness to get through this trying time.  Change is coming that will leave you confused, but roll with it- it will be a positive change in the end.  Your melancholic mood is coming to an end, enjoy the respite.

Daily Promp: Sparkling or Still

24 Nov

WordPress Daily Prompt 11/20/14: What’s your idea of a perfect day off: one during which you can quietly relax, doing nothing, or one with one fun activity lined up after the other? Tell us how you’d spend your time.

My idea of a perfect day is one in which I have fun activities lined up with sometime for relaxing or resting in between.  I feel like so much of my time is spent with nothing to do or bored and that is why I like activities.  Also I really like structure so planned things help me relax even if it’s just loose plans.  Some of the fun activities I like to do are just about anything with friends, miniature golf, bowling, laser tag, eating out at restaurants, trying new things (but not overloaded with them), movies or drive ins, scrapbooking or doing crafts, and just chatting.

30 Day Self Harm Awareness Challenge: Day 27

24 Nov

Master List

27. Discuss any and all progress you have made.

In the past I stopped self harming for 3 years but then picked it back up again.  On the 28th of this month it will be 2 years since I last self harmed.  I am better at relying on coping skills than Valium but I have it as a back up when I get too agitated.  Some people ask what has helped me go so long without self harming and honestly I just made a decision about two years ago that I was going to stop and this (ineffective) coping skill was no longer an option for me.


23 Nov

Last night I went to the local gay bar with some friends for country line dancing. I just learned gay country line dancing is a thing. The country dancing was for two hours and then we stayed at the club for another couple hours before we left. Makes me notice how far I’ve come. So many people and so close together. Trying new things. Tonight we went to SF for gay country line dancing but tonight it’s just 20 something’s friend, another friend and me. I’ve danced more tonight than I’ve ever probably danced before. I also danced with two people I didn’t know along with doing a circle dance thing where you switched partners multiple times.   In the last two nights I’ve really noticed my discomfort of people being close to me physically, even if I know them well.

When life is a lecture and you never live up

23 Nov

I’m doing comparatively well right now compared to the last almost year of depression.  It’s been about a month now and now people are starting to put the pressure on.  Well, I guess they do when I’m not well also.  I’m constantly being lectured by family members and nothing is good enough.  If I get something they complain or nag about down they just find something else.  Today was another lecture on me cleaning my room.  Today was another lecture on not approving of the way I dress.  Today was another lecture about “tough love” and not getting my way.

Today was a hassle and all those lectures did is make me feel worse about myself.  I shouldn’t put so much stock in pleasing other people, especially my family.  All I seem to do is disappoint but I can’t just not try.  It’s frustrating because deep inside I know it will never be enough and there will be another lecture and some more expectations I don’t live up to.

Little me

22 Nov

Little me triggered the voices. You’re creating problems. You ask too much. Be quiet. Don’t be an inconvienance. Think before you speak. Just stop stop asking me so many questions. Drop it. It’s fine even if it isn’t. This just makes it worse. Ugggghhh. Now I have to have the music on or take some Valium. I’ll try music for awhile.

Avoiding eye contact

22 Nov

So I’ve had this thing for awhile with avoiding eye contact with people. It makes me really anxious and feel funny inside. I’m getting better at it when I got to be. Also with physical closeness. Why do I have to be so weird?


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