30 Days of Mental Illness Awareness Challenge- Master List

24 Sep

I decided to start this challenge first of all to help my readers learn more things specifically related to my mental illnesses.  My fellow bloggers are welcome to participate in any or all of the challenge prompts.  I I hope this will raise some awareness and give you insight to mental illness.  Here is the image to go with the challenge:

MIA challenge

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You Don’t Have to Show Pride to Have Pride!

28 Jul


I still get a little hesitant when it comes to showing my pride.

Originally posted on Let's Queer Things Up!:

The image includes four panels, each including someone in the LGBTQIA+ community. The first panel has a person of size with a speech bubble talking about same-sex relationships. The second panel has a person of color writing in a journal. The third panel has another person of color in front of their laptop. The fourth has a person with headphones in their room, decked out with rainbow and asexual pride flags.

This is a shout out to all the queer people (myself included) who hold back on expressing their pride as openly as others.

Some of us are only just discovering our queerness.  Others are dealing with a lousy work environment.   Many of us are just not in the right emotional space.

For some queerness presents a very real physical danger.

Maybe they’re in an abusive home, school, or state.  They might have even been the target of “religious” hate crimes.  Maybe they have a past trauma that is easily triggered.

So while expressing pride for some is a way of life and a duty? For others it’s a luxury they can’t yet afford.

Please be patient with us.  Please show us acceptance.  Don’t write us off, or put us down.
We hope to wave that banner with you some day, just not yet.

And for my fellow hesitant queers? …

View original 110 more words

Resource- Supporting Friends

28 Jul

This was created to be geared towards teens but I think it is helpful for anyone.


Love Me Challenge: Day 12

28 Jul

Share a flaw:  I’m stubborn, which can be a good thing but usually is a flaw.

27 Jul

Feel so utterly alone. Can’t keep track of how many times I have cried today. 


27 Jul

I went to Santa Cruz on Friday with lil sis to see a free concert of Soul Asylum, they sing “Run Away Train.”  On Thursday before we left the neighbors came over and the mom had commented the baby was sick or just getting over being sick.  He was playing with my iphone and laptop, because that little guy loves electronics.  I never get sick so I didn’t worry about it, low and behold I got sick.

It didn’t start to hit me until Friday night so I enjoyed most of the day in Santa Cruz at the boardwalk as well as the concert.  We left sort of early Saturday.  Lil sis wanted to stay in Capitola for the day but I already had the horrible headache which kicked off this sickness.  I humored her a bit (I’m sucking up trying to get her to go to Disneyland with me for Halloween).  Then we left.  My brother-in-law was working so it was finally a chance for me to watch Orange Is The New Black with my sister.  We watched like 4 episodes.  I went home and took some Nyquil and went to sleep.

I slept through Sunday, along with it taking Sunday night’s pills.

Today is Monday and I am feeling a little better (physical sick wise) but mentally/emotionally/psychologically I’m a wreck from missing last nights meds.  I spent like an hour crying, debating about going to the hospital soon, what to do about the upcoming road trip with 20 something’s friend (plus other guy now) and just how to deal with him moving eventually anyways.  Back suicidal again and just wanting to cut everything out.  I got up and took the morning meds that helped a little.  I’m still sleepy and weak so laying in bed allows my mind to wander.  I wish I had someone to distract me.  It’s 20 something’s friends finals week so I’m trying to be not needy and then theres the BPD part that’s still upset about the trip and doesn’t even want to go.

27 Jul

I’m falling off. No one notices. 

Love me challenge: Day 11

24 Jul

Day 11 Share a smile


Love me challenge: Day 10

24 Jul

Share a secret:  sometimes I used to go to the psych hospital mainly to get away from my family. 

I’m really bored and that’s a trigger

23 Jul

I’m bored today/tonight.  Usually I have 20 something’s group but I’ve been feeling so sensitive lately that I decided not to go tonight.  I haven’t made an infinite plan for the future about what to do about group.  But, sadly I can’t handle the left out feeling I get almost every night after we go out after the technical group is over.  I know I should be more mature and this is a me problem.  But it sucks when you feel alone or out of place most everywhere and then you find a group that’s suppose to be inclusive and you feel this way.  I’ll probably start going again, next week or the week after, but just not hanging out afterward.  I thought I made some real friends in that group but it’s looking like more of them were just a surface level friendship and I need to take that or not.

I also de-activated my Facebook for the same reason of feeling like I’m left out.  I don’t know how more to make it apparent I want to be invited places other than just inviting myself, which I won’t do.  People pretend to be like … “oh I’ll let you know” and then never do.  One girl was always like that, if you don’t want to invite me fine but don’t lie about it.  I know I don’t drink and am out of the typical age range so may be I’m just not a good fit.  The LGBT center that puts on this group has a Tuesday Night Ladies Night Out group, so maybe I will try that after I finish DBT.  It just seems so unfair and so much work with having to re-establish yourself and make it into a social circle, especially when you got issues.  Or a meet up group or something.  Now I kind of realize how important people are and how I desire that connection, even though I have hella high standards and walls to break through.  At least I know it.

Now since I know moving out with the girl from 20 somethings group won’t work I’m sort of upset.  I’m trying to re-frame it, maybe I’d like to get a small house in the area so I could be close to my family but still have some independence.  Not sure if I could handle living alone though.  I feel so lonely as it is, and it’s a tough time of the year because I don’t have school to occupy me.  Speaking of school they called and said I need to a education plan or a hold will be put on my registration.  What if I still am not really sure what I want to do?  Back to living alone, I just see myself losing motivation, not getting out of bed, and kinda falling off the planet.  I know I lean that way a lot even living with my parents.  But usually I make some sort of effort, like texting someone or trying to set up a walk with my sister or something.  I wonder if I could withstand that while living alone and really do it for myself.  I’m not sure yet, so I don’t want to take that step yet.

The Sunshine Blogger Award

22 Jul

Thanks to Addy for the award


And the eleven questions:

1. If you could have a pet dragon, what would you name him/her?   Flames (her)
2. What is you favourite book of all time? The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe
3. If a movie was made about your life, who would play your love interest? Alyson Hannigan ;)
4. What country would you most like to visit? And why?   Italy because I learned Italian and it has a lot of cool tourists stuff to see.
5. What are three things that fill you with happiness?   Friends.  Smashbooking.   Ice Cream
6. What is something that no-one else knows about you?   I couldn’t tell you, then somebody would know ;)
7. How do you think mental health services could be improved in your country?  USA, yes me and my friend’s first purpose when we take over the world is to fix mental health services.
8. Chocolate or Ice-cream?  Ice cream all the way, but not chocolate ice cream
9. What is one of your favourite quotes?  “Honesty may be the best policy, but insanity is a better defense”
10. What is your happiest memory?  30th Birthday Trip to Disneyland Halloween Time Mickey’s Halloween Party
11. Why do you blog? To promote mental health awareness, to vent, as my therapy, to share interesting things, to educate others, to share my story.

I don’t specifically pass these along so I nominate whoever wants to be nominated.  Take this award.


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