I decided to start this challenge first of all to help my readers learn more things specifically related to my mental illnesses. My fellow bloggers are welcome to participate in any or all of the challenge prompts. I will do a post within about 3 days of the prompt and my response to link to people who participate, please pingback/link to this post or tag 30MIAC. If you chose to do the prompts later, don’t find the challenge till later, or life happens and you don’t get a prompt answered within the 3 days no worries, if you pingback to this post I will add you to the post that has the links to that prompt. I will be starting to post my responses to the prompts in October, I am just posting this now so people can brainstorm and spread the word. You can also start at anytime. I hope this will raise some awareness and give you insight to mental illness. Here is the image to go with the challenge:
The voices have taken a break. I’ve gotten a little perspective. Apparently it’s normal to be immature and irrational sometimes and to own that. I saw my case manager she wanted to know what triggered the voices, I gave her all the detail I could and she said that didn’t sound like enough. I tried to explain it isn’t a lot and to most people it’s be nothing. She still thinks there is something underneath. There was another instance of the voices I didn’t type up when they were yelling STUPID and BABY at me repeatedly. She also wanted me to print out the blogs that have what the voices were saying, this makes me nervous. I think people doubt my voices sometimes, heck I even doubt my voices sometimes. So it seems like something to use that it’s not voices but just my thoughts or something like that. But I know my thoughts and what they sound like and this wasn’t that. Going to have Random Restaurant Friday with my sister and brother-in-law. Saturday night study with 20 something’s friend instead of Sunday night which was part of the trigger last night. (see above immature and irrational). And Sunday apparently my sister is going to come over and we are going to do the equivalent of a study night where she does some stuff she needs to get done. I don’t see that being productive but it was sweet of my sister to offer. My case manager asked what was special about 20 something’s friend that I allowed him to get into my life like I do so few people, and I’m not really sure why I’m just glad I did.
“I told you you shouldn’t have said that. You’re so stupid. No wonder no one likes you. You should just keep quiet. Better off, stay away. They don’t want you anyway. You’re just making this harder for yourself and you’ll never win. No one likes you. We know. We’re there. We’ve always been there. Even we ignore you sometimes because it’s too much. We’re you, imagine others. No one likes to put up with you, but you seem so nice. No one knows the underside. We do. You’re horrible. No one likes you. And the more they get to know you the more evident it will become. You think you’re so smart. Throwing a tantrum, running off crying. One person follows as a sense of obligation. Did you hear anything from anyone else? And these are you’re supposed friends. How many times do We have to tell you no one likes you. Just disappear. “
“you’re no good. No one lines you. Everyone can see how messed up you are. Told you so. They don’t even feel sorry for you anymore. Why do you keep trying. I’ve told you they don’t like you. You call that nice, really. Wow someone saying hi. I guess that means you have like a hundred friends right. Cut yourself. No one likes you. You won’t be missed. Totally replaceable. Just do it already. No one likes you. He doesn’t like you anymore. How many times have I told you. Everyone leaves. You aren’t someone people can be around. You’ll never change. We have that control. And no one will ever like you. You fool we let you think things are okay cuz it’s even better to see your disappointment. We lie in wait, quiet, ready to strike. Hahahahaha. NO ONE LIKES YOU!”
My blogging buddy Addy over at All that I am, All that I ever was wrote a post on one of his voices and what triggers her. I thought this was an awesome idea to help people who don’t understand voice hearers to get some insight. I have three sets of voices and two sets I have not heard from except maybe once, since starting the Latuda. I’m going to break this up into the 3 voice sets for easier reading.
The side voices are some of the worse. They are generally angry and scream a lot, sometimes with or at each other and sometimes at me. A big trigger for the side voices is any school shooting, also any mass shooting too. These voices are destructive and usually want me to kill or hurt myself or someone else. News stories also trigger these voices. It usually goes something to the effect of “that was a good idea. Why didn’t you think of that? What’s better guns or knives? Argument between the two of which is better. Where should we do this? Arguments of where and the whys of the places they come up with. Why haven’t you killed yourself yet? You’re such a baby. ______ did it and she was only 15. No one will care, you are just deceiving yourself. DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!” These are the voices that get me hospitalized as they wear me down and I can only ignore them for so long. They are also the one’s that best respond to medication. I haven’t heard them at all in over a year, That’s Great!
One of those days where you wake up sad and blah, and you don’t really know why.
One of those days where you know you’re going to have to fight your hardest to not give in.
Why does it have to be one of those days?
51. Would you rather trade intelligence for looks or looks for intelligence? Neither.
52. How often do you buy clothes? Not very often, once a season maybe.
53. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Not that I know of
54. What’s your favorite holiday? Halloween, Candy and dress up!
55. What’s the most daring thing you’ve ever done? Parasailing when I was like 11 years old?
56. What was the last thing you recorded on TV? I don’t record things on TV
57. What was the last book you read? Transgender 101
58. What’s your favorite type of foreign food? Mexican or Thai
59. Are you a clean or messy person? Messy
60. Who would you want to play you in a movie of your life? I don’t know
61. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 5-10 minutes
62. What kitchen appliance do you use every day? The refrigerator door thing to get water from.
63. What’s your favorite fast food chain? Taco Bell
64. What’s your favorite family recipe? White Chicken Enchiladas
65. Do you love or hate rollercoasters? Love them
66. What’s your favorite family tradition? Christmas Eve dinner and opening one present the night before Christmas.
67. What is your favorite childhood memory? Playing queen for the day with my sisters
68. What’s your favorite movie? Drop Dead Fred
69. How old were you when you learned Santa wasn’t real? How did you find out? Not sure
70. Is your glass half full or half empty? These days I’d just say it’s a glass and whatever portion it has given me for the day I can always fill it more.
71. What’s the craziest thing you’ve done in the name of love? Denied who I was, transferred schools, and became hyper-religious
72. What three items would you take with you on a deserted island? A teleport machine, swimsuit, and my iphone
73. What was your favorite subject in school? Math
74. What’s the most unusual thing you’ve ever eaten? Not unusual but my favorite vegetable is brussel sprouts and most people hate them.
75. Do you collect anything? Yes currently: stickers, ty beanie babies (bears and rabbits), leather bound books, key chains, journals, Tigger stuff
27. Do you like or dislike surprises? Why or why not? Generally no. But if it’s something thoughtful like a card or a random act of kindness yes.
28. In the evening, would you rather play a game, visit a relative, watch a movie, or read? Blog, lol play a game
29. Would you rather vacation in Hawaii or Alaska, and why? Alaska, never been there. Been to Hawaii multiple times
30. Would you rather win the lottery or work at the perfect job? And why? Work at the perfect job, I know how unfulfilling it is to not work. And winning the lottery would just mean not working still, plus I’m not too material.
31. Who would you want to be stranded with on a deserted island? A friend or someone smart who could get me off the island.
32. If money was no object, what would you do all day? Hang out with all my friends at Disneyland
33. If you could go back in time, what year would you travel to? I’d like to go back into some point in my life since my memory sucks, when I don’t know though.
34. How would your friends describe you? Awkward, thoughtful, nice, emotional, smart
35. What are your hobbies? Blogging, Smashing (like scrapbooking), Scrapbooking, Reading, Legos, Joournaling
36. What is the best gift you have been given? I’m not sure. Probably something homemade. I really like homemade thoughtful things put lil sis is really the only one that gives them to me.
37. What is the worst gift you have received? Clothes!
38. Aside from necessities, what one thing could you not go a day without? Is medication a necessity?
39. List two pet peeves. PEopLe whO TYpE lIKe ThIS people flossing near me
40. Where do you see yourself in five years? Who knows. before I would always say dead but I’m getting more and more confident I’m going to live this life out.
41. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 3
42. If you were a super-hero, what powers would you have? Power to heal
43. What would you do if you won the lottery? Donate to charities
44. What form of public transportation do you prefer? (air, boat, train, bus, car, etc.) Car and not driving but sitting in the front seat preferably with someone I like. Can’t sit in the back it makes me car sick.
45. What’s your favorite zoo animal? Penguin
46. If you could go back in time to change one thing, what would it be? I thought it already asked me this. I wouldn’t I believe in the butterfly effect and one small change would change everything and who knows if that would be for the better like intended.
47. If you could share a meal with any 4 individuals, living or dead, who would they be? Vincent VanGogh (that dude was crazy and I kinda relate), my sister, my case manager, and 20 something’s friend. It’d be interesting for the three people that support me the most to interact and meet each other.
48. How many pillows do you sleep with? I have two in my bed and I switch from one to the other when they get to hot.
49. What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleep (and why)? Like 70 hours or so… I was doing an experiment not taking my meds to see if I was truly “bipolar”
50. What’s the tallest building you’ve been to the top in? Probably some random hotel. I don’t like heights.
Originally posted on The Invisible Scar:
[via Neal Sanche] “How could you have been abused?” a grossly misinformed person in an adult survivor’s life may say. “You had a roof over your head, food in your belly, clothes, and no one ever hit you!”
But as every adult survivor of emotional child abuse knows, the essentials—good attention, unconditional love, and emotional support—were missing.
Unfortunately, however, many misconceptions about emotional child abuse abound. Here’s a look at some of the biggest ones.
Misconception #1: Emotional abuse is another word for verbal abuse
Fact:Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse, non-verbal abuse, and non-physical forms of abuse.
“Child abuse is more than bruises or broken bones,” state Melinda Smith, M.D., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D, in a HelpGuide article. “While physical abuse is shocking due to the scars it leaves, not all child abuse is as obvious. Ignoring children’s needs, putting them in unsupervised, dangerous situations, or making…
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Wednesday I saw my case manager and was talking about the urges to cut people out of my life. I probably mentioned cutting class a few times too. She said to me, you know if it has the word “cut” in it its not good for you. I also call cutting people out of my life “shutting down” and I do it to various degrees when stressed.
I use to identify as a “cutter” and would use the word cut. I now on my blog try to refer to it as self harm because it sounds less triggering. Most of my cutting I actually did with scissors too, and in some weird way I thought that was funny. I was never proud of my cuts and always hid them but I knew it was a part of me. I never thought I’d be able to give that up.
Part of me gets scared. Self harm was always the middle step between suicide and I felt safer when it was an option. But I’m better now. I have better coping skills. I’m not as suicidal as I use to be, though I’m sure I still think of it way more than the average person.
I’m rambling. Good night!
- Who is your hero? I’m not sure I have one
- If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
- What is your biggest fear? Abandonment/Rejection
- What is your favorite family vacation? Hawaii
- What would you change about yourself if you could? Nothing because I believe in the butterfly effect.
- What really makes you angry? Being left out, feeling misunderstood, just life sometimes.
- What motivates you to work hard? Procrastination or passion
- What is your favorite thing about your career? N/A
- What is your biggest complaint about your job? I only have a small window to get my work done and if I’m not doing well during that period it sucks.
- What is your proudest accomplishment? Never having a serious suicide attempt.
- What is your child’s proudest accomplishment? N/A
- What is your favorite book to read? Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
- What makes you laugh the most? The voices use to, now I’m not really sure, probably my brother-in-law we have the same humor.
- What was the last movie you went to? What did you think? Taken 3, I left early because the ex girlfriend thought I was too anxious.
- What did you want to be when you were small? A teacher
- What does your child want to be when he/she grows up? N/A
- If you could choose to do anything for a day, what would it be? Be happy, hang out with friends
- What is your favorite game or sport to watch and play? Board games or word games
- Would you rather ride a bike, ride a horse, or drive a car? Drive a car
- What would you sing at Karaoke night? Most likely not
- What two radio stations do you listen to in the car the most? Two pop stations
- Which would you rather do: wash dishes, mow the lawn, clean the bathroom, or vacuum the house? Vacuum
- If you could hire someone to help you, would it be with cleaning, cooking, or yard work? Cleaning
- If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be? Right now, cheese enchiladas
- Who is your favorite author? Don’t really have one
- Have you ever had a nickname? What is it? Lots mostly ML or Marce